You are the one to blame? 3 myths about sexual violence. Sex

How to raise a girl and young woman so that she never becomes a victim of rape? Learn to be more modest, avoid dangerous situations - or respect yourself and your body? How to raise a boy and a young man so that it doesn’t even occur to him to have sex without the woman’s consent?

From birth to death, women are at risk of sexual violence. The most tragic thing is that our culture - the rules and regulations that we absorb from childhood - shields the rapist and blames the victim. He is a good guy who stumbled, made a minor mistake, and in general is probably not to blame. Let's find an excuse. And she... let's look at her under a microscope. Did she know this man? Have you ever had sex with anyone in your life? What were you wearing? How did you behave? Did you drink alcohol? Did you resist? It's probably her own fault.

You are the one to blame? It’s been a while since I pulled out my myth-breaking sword, forged from rationality and doubt. Let's get started.

Myth one: the victim provokes the rapist with his clothes

Imagine the situation. Characters: Risky, Gunsmith and Judge. A risky man walks down the street. The gunsmith shoots him in the head. In court, the Gunsmith says:

- Your Honor! Risky's jacket had the words "Shoot Me" on it. What did he expect if he went out into the street looking like this? I am not guilty. I just fulfilled his request.

Will the Judge decide not to punish the Gunsmith for murder? Will the Judge decide that such inscription on clothing is a mitigating circumstance?

My answer: The gunsmith is guilty. No matter what was written on Risky's jacket: no one has the right to take a life.

The same logic applies when we talk about sexual violence. No amount of clothing means consent to sex. No amount of clothing gives you the right to rape.

Women who rape

Statistically, the majority of authors of sexual violence are men. Only 1-2% of those who commit violence against children are women (however, the numbers are likely underestimated due to strong social taboos). But women also rape adult men - these cases are rarely included in statistics.

Men generally talk very little about sexual violence, Markova believes. If violence against a man was committed by another man, it is rare, but they can still go to the police, if the author is a woman - almost never.

“A man often does not understand that he has experienced violence from a woman. It is believed that if a woman hits on a man, he is lucky, even if he feels used. Many of my clients say: I felt really bad after sex, it wasn’t like that, it was unpleasantly terrible. But they don’t even think that it was violent,” adds Markova.

Women themselves may not understand that they are forcing a man to have sex: what they perceive as “feminine tricks” and seduction may actually have other names. For many, sexual violence by a woman against a man does not exist in principle. Therefore, it is possible that women commit sexual violence more often than is commonly thought - it’s just that these cases, as a rule, are not taken into account anywhere.

Myth two: the victim provokes the rapist with his behavior

Imagine the situation.
Characters: Hungry, Seller and Judge. A seller stands in the market with a tray of pies and shouts: “Pies, delicious pies, come and gobble them up!”

Hungry walks by, he grabs a couple of pies and runs away.

In court, the Hungry Man says:

- Your Honor! First, food is a vital necessity. If I don't eat, I'll starve. Secondly, the pies were on the tray and smelled delicious. If the Seller wanted to keep the pies intact, he would have put them in the display case behind glass. And certainly not shouting “swoop in and gobble it up.” This triggered me! I am not guilty.

Will the Judge decide not to punish Hungry for robbery? Will the Judge decide that the delicious smell, the cries of “swoop in and gobble up” and the fact that the pies were lying openly and not in a display case behind glass is a provocation and a mitigating circumstance?

My answer: He who is hungry is guilty. Food is a vital necessity, but it does not give anyone the right to take someone else's property. It doesn’t matter where the Hungry One stole the pies from, from a glass display case or from a tray. Calling the delicious smell and accessibility a provocation, he tries to justify his illegal act.

The same logic applies when we talk about sexual violence. Moreover, unlike food, sex is not a vital need. No one has ever died without sex. No behavior of a woman, except for a clearly stated “yes, I want it too,” does not mean consent to sex. Any sex without consent is rape. And if a male person doesn’t understand the difference between “yes” and “no,” it looks like he’s under a year old and shouldn’t have sex with him.

Rape. Its difference from sexual assault

The immediate object is sexual freedom and sexual inviolability of women. Only a woman can be a victim of a crime.

The objective side is the commission of rape, which is understood as sexual intercourse with the use of violence or with the threat of its use against the victim or other persons, or taking advantage of the helpless state of the victim.

Sexual intercourse means sexual intercourse between a man and a woman.

Rape is recognized as committed using the helpless state of the victim in cases where he, due to his physical or mental condition (dementia or other mental disorder, physical disabilities, other painful or unconscious state, young or old age, etc.) could not understand the nature and significance of the actions performed on him or resist the perpetrator.

The threat used as a means of suppressing the resistance of the victim for the purpose of raping her should be understood as intimidation of the victim by such actions or statements that expressed the intention of immediate use of physical violence against the victim herself or other persons (for example, her children).

Other persons are understood to be relatives of the victim, as well as persons to whom the perpetrator, in order to overcome the resistance of the victim (victim), uses violence or threatens to use it.

Rape is considered completed from the moment sexual intercourse begins, regardless of its completion and consequences.

The subjective side is direct intent. The subject of a crime can only be a man who has reached the age of 14 years. A woman can be an accomplice to a crime in the role of organizer, instigator, or accomplice.

Violent acts of a sexual nature (Article 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation) differences:

The victim of a crime can be a man or a woman.

The objective side of the crime consists of the following alternative actions:

sodomy – sexual contact between men;

lesbianism – sexual contacts between women;

other actions of a sexual nature - satisfying sexual needs in other ways, including forcing a woman to commit sexual intercourse by using violence or threatening to use it.

In order for these acts to become criminally punishable, it is necessary to have such a mandatory sign of an objective party as the use of violence or the threat of its use against the victim (victim) or other persons or the use of the helpless state of the victim (victim).

Qualifying features – Part 2, 3 Art. 131 and 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.

Myth three: if the victim did not resist, it means she wanted it herself

Imagine the situation. Characters: Robber, Rich Man and Judge. A rich man walks down the street. The Robber appears and puts a knife to the Rich Man’s throat:

- Turn out your pockets! Give me the money!

The rich man sees that the Robber is taller and stronger than him, and is also armed. The rich man obeys and hands over the wallet.

In court, the Robber says:

- Your Honor! He emptied his pockets himself and didn’t even resist when I took the wallet. I am not guilty.

Will the Judge decide not to punish the Robber? Will the Judge decide that the Rich Man gave the money voluntarily and at his own request, because he did not try to run away, call for help, or hit the attacker?

My answer: The robber is guilty. Whether the rich man resisted or not is not important. When your life or health is in danger, your consent to anything cannot be voluntary.

The same logic applies when we talk about sexual violence. The rapist is to blame. The behavior of the victim does not matter.

How we raise girls who are rape victims

From childhood, girls are taught that they must take up little space, endure uncomfortable clothes, remain silent, do not interrupt, do not argue, do not be indignant, do not raise their voices, and do not show anger or anger. And then someone is surprised that a woman cannot fight back a man who stalks her, molests her or rapes her.

I have heard many stories of women who were touched by strangers on public transport; the women couldn’t even find the strength to move further away, let alone hit, scream, or call for help. How inhumane it is to say that they - dumbfounded, paralyzed with surprise, horror and shame - could want and approve of what was happening.

It's her own fault - a lie. The rapist is always to blame, and only he.

It is impossible not to notice that these cruel rules apply only to girls and women. If a boy or a man suffers from sexual violence, no one asks whether he was wearing shorts that were too short, whether he was walking along a dark street, why he went with his friends to the dacha, is it really not clear how it all could have ended? Unspoken social rules dictate that you side with the rapist and blame the victim, but only if the victim is not a man.

The myths have been sorted out - now let's move on to the facts.

When will a girl be punished if she commits violent acts?

Forced sexual acts between women and men, as well as between persons of the same sex, are punishable in accordance with Art. 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. It talks about illegal acts of a sexual nature. If, for example, a person committed one forced sexual act in a traditional form, and a second in an unconventional form, then he will be punished under a combination of articles. In this case, it does not matter when qualifying the offense whether violent acts of a sexual nature occurred in the same time frame or different ones.

Note! Responsibility under Art. 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation is exactly the same as under Art. 131 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. These rules provide for the same aggravating circumstances that affect the amount of punishment.

The difference between rape and sexual assault

If simple rape is a traditional sexual act with a woman against her will, then all other intimate crimes include acts of a sexual nature. First of all, they are associated with physical impact on the body, but without direct sexual contact.

If in case of rape the perpetrator is only a man who used violence or threats against a woman, after which he entered into a relationship with her, then in the case of other acts of a sexual nature, the attacker and the victim can be of the same gender, that is, the act can not only be heterosexual.

Most people consider a woman raping a man to be implausible and strange. Just 15 years ago, according to statistical data from investigative authorities, such a phenomenon was extremely rare. In 2003, the total number of men who were sexually assaulted was no more than ten percent. In 2012, the percentage of victims of such crimes among them was already more than 30%. About half openly stated that they had been raped by a woman.

Less than 1% of rapists receive punishment for their crime

According to the Sisters charity center for survivors of sexual violence:

Only 12% of sexual assault victims report what happened to the police.
One out of five applicants has an application accepted.
In one case out of three, a criminal case is initiated.
But if the case goes to court, with a 99% probability the rapist will be punished.

So, if 1000 women are raped:

Only 120 women will contact the police.
Only 24 women will have their application accepted.
Only 8 criminal cases will be opened.
8 rapists will be punished for the crime.

The actual number of victims of rape is 125 times greater than the number of people convicted of rape.

What are the reasons for the silence? Sometimes women are so shocked and traumatized that they don’t tell anyone about the violence and try to forget about it. Sometimes women are afraid that the investigator will ask tactless questions and dissuade them from filing an application (this happens often). They are afraid that they will not be able to describe in detail what happened to them several times (and this will be required). They fear oppression, threats, blackmail and revenge from the rapist, his friends and family. They are afraid of public condemnation, because society will find a thousand reasons why you are guilty and he is not.

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Punishment for a crime under Art. 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation

People can be imprisoned for different terms for acts of a sexual nature depending on the crime. If they were committed by an organized criminal group or several individuals after developing a preliminary plan, they can be imprisoned for up to 10 years.

Punishment is also influenced by the consequences that were inflicted on the victim. Thus, if violent acts of a sexual nature resulted in the victim becoming infected with sexually transmitted diseases, the sentence could be up to 10 years in prison.

Severe sanctions are imposed for violent acts against a person under 14 years of age. The offender could be sentenced to 15 years in prison.

If the violence was committed by a person previously convicted of similar crimes against a child under 14 years old, then you can get up to 20 years. In some cases, the offender faces life imprisonment. To do this, the victim must be a minor, and his death must occur after the rape.

If the victim was in a helpless or unconscious state during the commission of violent acts, then the offender faces a prison sentence of 3 to 6 years in accordance with Part 1 of Art. 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.

In the Resolution of the Plenum of the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation “On judicial practice in cases of crimes provided for in Articles 131 and 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation” dated June 15, 2004 No. 11, other actions of a sexual nature include, inter alia, forcing a woman to commit sexual intercourse by using violence or threats. The subject of this crime will be a legally competent male or female individual aged 14 or more.

Note! Thus, not only a man, but also a girl or woman can be imprisoned for an intimate crime.

Most rapists are known victims

The stranger who waits for the victim in the gateway and on the dark streets is nothing more than a cliché. Yes, sometimes women are attacked by strangers and on the street. But in most cases, rapists are people whom the victim knows, and knows well. This could be a relative (father, stepfather, uncle, brother), acquaintance, classmate, coach, friend, or even your own boyfriend. And therefore…

"Safety" does not work

They teach you: “Don’t behave frankly!” But a classmate took just your smile for a green light and is now chasing you, trying to press you to the wall and grope you.

They teach you: “Don’t wear short skirts!” But you read in the news how one man raped a baby girl, another an old woman in her seventies, a third a Muslim woman who wore clothes that hid her body from head to toe.

See what's the catch? The only rule that would help is “Don’t rape.” It concerns men, but not you.

“Follow the rules, then nothing will happen. Bad things happen to those who break the rules” - deception. You are at risk just because you are a girl. You are at risk only because there are boys and men who like to molest women, humiliate women, rape women. They have no doubt that they have the right to use you and your body. They don’t think that you are uncomfortable with their attention, their greasy jokes, their hands on your chest. Your desires and feelings are unimportant to them.

what is the difference between rape and

71. Rape.
The difference between rape and sexual assault. Rape (Article 131 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation)

The immediate object is sexual freedom and sexual inviolability of women.

Only a woman can be a victim of a crime.

Sexual intercourse means sexual intercourse between a man and a woman.

Rape is considered completed from the moment sexual intercourse begins, regardless of its completion and consequences.

The corpus delicti is formal.

The subjective side is direct intent.

The subject of the crime can only be a man (14 years old). A woman can be an accomplice to a crime in the role of organizer, instigator, accomplice.

Article 131. Rape

1. Rape, that is, sexual intercourse with the use of violence or with the threat of its use to the victim or other persons, or taking advantage of the helpless state of the victim, -

shall be punished by imprisonment for a term of three to six years.

2. Rape:

a) committed by a group of persons, a group of persons by prior conspiracy or an organized group;

b) accompanied by a threat of murder or infliction of grievous bodily harm, as well as committed with particular cruelty towards the victim or other persons;

c) resulting in infection of the victim with a venereal disease, -

shall be punishable by imprisonment for a term of four to ten years, with or without restriction of freedom for a term of up to two years.

3. Rape:

a) a minor;

b) resulting through negligence in causing grievous harm to the health of the victim, infecting her with HIV infection or other grave consequences, -

shall be punishable by imprisonment for a term of eight to fifteen years with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a term of up to twenty years or without it and with restriction of freedom for a term of up to two years.

4. Rape:

a) negligently caused the death of the victim;

b) a victim under fourteen years of age -

shall be punishable by imprisonment for a term of twelve to twenty years with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a term of up to twenty years or without it and with restriction of freedom for a term of up to two years.

5. The act provided for in paragraph “b” of part four of this article, committed by a person who has a criminal record for a previously committed crime against the sexual integrity of a minor, -

shall be punishable by imprisonment for a term of fifteen to twenty years with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a term of up to twenty years, or life imprisonment.

Note. The crimes provided for in paragraph “b” of part four of this article, as well as paragraph “b” of part four of Article 132 of this Code also include acts that fall under the elements of crimes provided for in parts three - five of Article 134 and parts two - four of Article 135 of this Code, committed against a person under twelve years of age, since such a person, due to his age, is in a helpless state, that is, cannot understand the nature and significance of the actions performed on him.

Violent acts of a sexual nature (Article 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation)

The immediate object of the crime is sexual freedom and sexual integrity.

The victim of a crime can be a man or a woman.

The objective side of the crime consists of the following alternative actions:

- sodomy - sexual contacts between men;

- lesbianism - sexual contacts between women;

- other actions of a sexual nature - satisfying sexual needs in other ways, including forcing a woman to commit sexual intercourse by using violence or threatening to use it.

The commission of violent acts of a sexual nature should be considered completed from the moment the act of sodomy, lesbianism and other acts of a sexual nature, provided for by the objective side of these crimes, begins, regardless of their completion and consequences.

The subjective side is direct intent.

The subject of the crime is a sane individual who has reached the age of 14.

Qualifying features - Part 2, 3 Art. 131 and 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.

Article 132. Violent acts of a sexual nature

1. Sodomy, lesbianism or other actions of a sexual nature with the use of violence or with the threat of its use against the victim (victim) or other persons, or taking advantage of the helpless state of the victim (victim) -

shall be punished by imprisonment for a term of three to six years.

2. The same acts:

a) committed by a group of persons, a group of persons by prior conspiracy or an organized group;

b) associated with a threat of murder or infliction of grievous bodily harm, as well as committed with particular cruelty towards the victim or other persons;

c) resulting in infection of the victim (victim) with a venereal disease, -

shall be punishable by imprisonment for a term of four to ten years, with or without restriction of freedom for a term of up to two years.

3. Acts provided for in parts one or two of this article, if they:

a) committed against a minor (minor);

b) caused through negligence the infliction of grievous harm to the health of the victim (victim), infection of him (her) with HIV infection or other grave consequences, -

4. Acts provided for in parts one or two of this article, if they:

a) caused by negligence the death of the victim(s);

b) committed against a person under fourteen years of age -

5. Acts provided for in paragraph “b” of part four of this article, committed by a person who has a criminal record for a previously committed crime against the sexual integrity of a minor, -

Where to go in case of sexual violence

Sexual violence is completely unacceptable. This is not a joke, not an innocent game, not an ordinary thing, but a crime that falls into the category of serious ones.

There is no shame in talking about being a victim of violence. It doesn't matter what society thinks. Violence thrives in the midst of silence, shame and fear. You don't have to remain silent.

If you or your friend need psychological or legal support related to sexual violence, seek help.

. Helpline for women victims of domestic violence: 8-800-7000-600. Email [email protected]
Independent charity center for helping survivors of sexual violence “Sisters”, Moscow. Phone 8 (499) 901‑02‑01, email
Crisis center for women, St. Petersburg. Helpline 8 (812) 327‑30‑00, email

To end the conversation on this difficult topic, I wrote a short text for you. Read it, if you want, out loud, if you want, several times. I hope it awakens the strength that lies dormant within you so that you can stand up for yourself and help other girls who need help.

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Can the author of violence change

It is important not only to punish sexual violence, but also to give people a chance to change their behavior. Some of the authors of violence cannot change, therefore they need to be isolated. But those who are able to “re-educate” should not only be punished for violence, but also forced to go to psychotherapy. Only working with the authors of violence can reduce recidivism after leaving prison, experts say.

This work includes accepting personal responsibility for one's actions, eliminating cognitive distortions, learning self-control, and developing empathy. Empathy, like impulse control, can be taught. “For many of them, it is a discovery that their actions caused harm,” says Svetlana Markova, to whom the authors of the violence are brought by a decision of an American court. “They read the story of a victim of violence, and the story is filled with experiences, consequences, thoughts, that is, everything is described in detail to awaken understanding and empathy. And I see how many people are sincerely surprised and it hurts them. Many people say so directly: “I didn’t understand, I didn’t even think that someone would be hurt, that there would be such consequences for the other party.”

In Russia, a person who commits violence can go to prison, but there is no mandatory psychotherapy for him. However, there are people who help the authors of violence change - if they themselves decide to do so. Stanislav Khotsky and his colleagues work with anyone who has problems with aggressive, controlling and violent behavior - sometimes associated with sexual violence, but not always. Most of the center's clients are men. Everyone comes voluntarily or conditionally voluntarily when the familiar world collapses.