Many people complain about bosses like this: one day he is cheerful and friendly, and the next morning he can yell at you in front of the whole team. How to work with an unpredictable leader? Is it possible to somehow influence the behavior style of an unbalanced boss, or can you only remain silent - or quit?
Researching this topic, Nancy Rothbard1 says, “What makes working with an unpredictable boss much more difficult is the fact that you never know “what kind” of boss you will encounter today—one who is angry and sarcastic, or one who is cheerful and constructive. Today the boss can be your friend, but tomorrow he is a tram boor. When you work with a boss who has an unstable personality, it puts a serious strain on an already difficult working relationship.”
When you're the target of a boss's temper tantrum, "it can be very difficult not to start blaming yourself, at least somewhat," says Nathanael Fast,2 an assistant professor of management at the University of Southern California. But most likely, this has nothing to do with you personally.
You just need to think more carefully about your methods of working with your boss. Below are some recommendations.
Don't take it personally
When a boss known for frequent angry outbursts starts yelling at you, the most constructive thing you can do is not take the rudeness personally. Mood swings are usually associated with more global problems. The fact is that, most likely, it is not you who personally irritate the boss, but the subject of the conversation itself that provokes these outbursts.
In such a situation, it is really important, although sometimes very difficult, to understand and determine the origins of the boss’s behavior. Of course, you can say that your boss is an idiot or a moron, but it will not bring relief. Try to look at the situation from above, without getting involved in it, without reacting to screams. Maybe this conversation follows a standard scenario that can be changed?
By the way, sometimes it is useful to listen to what exactly the boss says, and not to the tone in which he says it.
And remember: screaming is always a manifestation of a person’s weakness and helplessness. There is a very wise expression: “A person’s cry is a cry for help.” In other words, if a person raises his voice, he feels insecure and weak in some matter.
This means that it is in your interests to understand the reasons for the screaming. Once you do this, it will be easy to neutralize your boss's rude behavior in the future.
Remember
- You often have to look for ways to interact with your boss, because a lot depends on relationships, even a successful career.
- According to labor market research, the majority of Russian workers treat managers with respect. Moreover, the longer they worked together, the more it increased. But the feeling of hatred has no connection with the duration of joint work.
- Tyrants are often called leaders who always make unilateral decisions and unexpectedly change them, as well as those who aggressively communicate with subordinates.
- If you have to work with a tyrant boss, take nine tips: be prepared for provocations; be able to show the results of your work; keep calm; defend your position; be ready for dialogue; record the agreements reached; Meet with your manager more often to discuss important issues; do not flatter your superiors; develop your emotional intelligence.
- Remain professional with a clear line of behavior, maintain a constructive dialogue and remember: you and your boss are on the same side, because you are partners, not opponents.
Author: Elizaveta Efremova
Source: media portal of the Russian School of Management
Look for reasons and reasons
The deeper you can dig into what's causing your boss' mood swings, the better.
It could be simply low blood sugar. Does your boss come to the office gloomy every morning? Or is he in high spirits after dinner? It is possible that his outbursts of anger are due to particularly stressful situations at work. Maybe the monthly board meeting, which is always tense, is the reason for the change in his behavior.
Or such mood swings may be a manifestation of so-called ego defense. Such people may be hypersensitive to threats, real or perceived. When an emotionally reactive person senses an approaching external or internal threat, he can turn into a monster.
Looking for interpretations and reasons for your boss's different reactions will help you find clues to explain his behavior and develop your strategy.
Toxic place to work
Humiliation is the shame and embarrassment you feel when someone makes you wrong or makes you look stupid. And if this someone is your boss, then the situation is doubly complicated. With colleagues you have the opportunity to reduce communication, but with a boss it is extremely difficult to do this, since you are subordinate.
Perhaps your boss raises his voice at you, speaks unflatteringly about you and scolds you for the slightest mistake. This is doubly unpleasant if all this happens in front of colleagues.
Why is this happening? Why does your boss bully you and won't leave you alone? There may be various motives:
- Your boss wants you to quit because he has his protégé to fill the position. He just needs to get you out of your job because he promised your job to someone else.
- Your boss doesn't want to promote you. There may be several options: a) there is a candidate for this place; b) does not want to pay you a higher salary; c) he wants you to stay in the same place, because there is no one to replace you.
- He may feel insecure about your achievements because he is afraid that you will “get him on.” Your successes make him doubt his competence, as he sees that you are better suited for his position. He simply sees you as a threat and tries in every possible way to eliminate you.
- He may not like you as a person. This is one of the most common reasons why people try to put others down.
- You are not satisfied with him as an employee. He wants to replace you with a more competent specialist.
- Your boss is a tyrant and that says it all! In this case, he pesters not only you, but also your colleagues.
Choose your communication time
Once you understand the root causes of your boss's emotional outbursts, you can use this to plan your interactions with him. You really need to learn to clearly define for yourself the situations when you will communicate with him. For example, you should lay low until he drinks his morning coffee. It's probably not a good idea to start discussing minor issues with him right after he comes out of a tense meeting with a client.
In this case, it makes sense to ask him how you can be useful to him now. The fact that you are there and ready to help will make him feel supported. And this is very important. Such actions on the part of subordinates and the team, as a rule, lift the mood of the leader.
LifeBossing: What to do if your boss is bullying you
“We worked a regular five-day schedule, from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.,” he says. — Our editorial staff was divided into teams, and each of them had a more or less structured work. For some reason, emergency situations only happened here. At first, out of enthusiasm, I rushed into the breach and helped out my colleagues, although even then the offer to work on the weekend seemed like a strong excess. Then it just became a rule - the boss could call me at two in the morning and ask me to write a text for a story that would need to be filmed the next day, say, at eight in the morning. Gradually the group grew, the work became more complicated, and the conflicts became louder. After working for almost six months, I left literally throwing my application on the table and slamming the door. I realized that another year in this mode, and I would be pumped out in intensive care. However, I am sure that the boss never noticed any problem. We are still friends on Facebook, I see how she likes my posts.”
However, you can violate boundaries not only by calling outside of work hours - often the boss can get into those areas of life that have nothing to do with work. PR manager Ira (name changed at the request of the heroine - Ed.) met her future boss at a continuing education course, and Ira’s first impression of her was positive. After meeting, the boss invited Ira to join her team, and it seemed to her that an understanding boss was waiting for her at her new job, ready to motivate and support all initiatives. “The boss was recruiting a team from scratch, and there was a feeling that we would all be part of something very ambitious. That together with the new team we will be able to implement many good projects. At first everything was fine, but then it started to stress me out that, in the words of the boss, “there are all enemies around, and we are roses among the dung.” She began to very intrusively meddle in all areas of my life, comment on the personal lives of other colleagues, and be a hypocrite. At first I thought I was escalating, but then the picture began to take shape. The culmination was a key event for our department. My team and I did a really great job, but we received a wave of criticism and negativity from our boss. Then I openly began to be indignant, and she began to get out of it and say that we misunderstood her.”
It is clear that psychological violence may not manifest itself immediately. It is unlikely that many bosses are ready to bully a new employee during the probationary period. But as is the case with any other types of abusive relationships, work abuse sometimes takes a strange form, and it is not immediately possible to calculate it. Ira notes that the relationship with her boss began to deteriorate only after a month of working together, and its quality or quantity did not decrease during this time. “The problems started about a month later, when I began to realize that my strange colleagues were much more appropriate than my boss,” she says. “At first I received passive-aggressive messages or letters with insults about why I, for example, didn’t invite her to lunch or for coffee. I tried to react normally, but I felt guilty, although I understood that the lunch break was my personal time, which I could use as I wanted. I had to lie that I was dating a friend. Then the boss constantly intrigued, squeezed out all the juice, pushed everyone against each other and did not allow the projects to move forward. Now I understand that she never took responsibility for herself, that in difficult moments she was not at all supportive. It all ended in a classic way - I just quit. Although in principle I would like to stay in this company.”
It is also important to understand what exactly you are dealing with - bullying directed against you personally, or with a person whose leadership style is incompatible with teamwork. This is clearly visible in the boss’s relationship with his colleagues: if your boss gets along well with the rest of the team members, but not with you, then we may be talking about bullying. Psychologists say that bullying a boss may have reasons that are related only to himself. “There is only one real reason for bullying—the psychological problems of the person who is the source of the bullying,” Forbes quotes psychologist and psychotherapist Vera Yanysheva. “The imaginary reasons that the aggressor uses to justify his behavior can be very different, ranging from accusations of unprofessionalism of the target of bullying to nitpicking about appearance.”
Stay calm
If your boss starts yelling or belittling you for reasons you don't know, it's important that you don't respond in kind. This will only make things worse and will likely increase his anger even further. At such moments, it is better for you not to say anything that you will later regret.
If you feel like you're about to boil over, simply excuse yourself and leave the room. Take a walk around the office or find a quiet place where you can collect your thoughts.
Discuss this issue with your boss later in private. “If your boss is an emotionally reactive person, confronting him publicly can have unpredictable consequences,” says Nancy Rothbard.
Is it necessary to leave work if the boss has already drunk all the juice?
Here are a few factors you should consider before making the drastic decision to quit:
- Alternative work option.
- Your financial situation.
- Reason for humiliation.
- Is there anything that can be done?
Alternative work option
An important factor to consider before you actually decide to quit your job after numerous episodes of humiliation from your boss is whether you actually have another option!
It is clear that it is not always possible to find an alternative work option right away. It is especially difficult for beginners. Or if there is a shortage of vacancies in your specialty in the job market.
Of course, you can give up on everything and decide to start your own business. This is a good idea if you have the time and money for it. In the end, we should not forget that entrepreneurial activity requires great concentration and understanding of business processes.
If you've weighed everything up and realize there are great opportunities ahead of you, leaving your toxic job may be a good option for you. Let this negative experience be a springboard for you to something better. No person, regardless of gender, race, religion or ethnicity, should have to endure harassment and humiliation at the hands of their superiors.
However, if you have no alternative options at the moment, don't let your emotions overwhelm you. Take a deep breath and don’t take hasty actions until you find a solution!
Your financial situation
Finances are important! No matter what anyone says, we all understand perfectly well that it is extremely difficult to live without them. We simply need to eat something, dress in something and pay for utilities. All this requires money. And therefore we cannot always afford to send an unwanted boss far and long.
Thank you in advance
If your boss's outbursts are related to you personally, then sending a thank you email in advance can neutralize his attacks. As Carolyn O'Hara3 recommends, “If you see the boss getting close to getting nervous, send him a message that you really appreciate his help in this particular matter.” This will soften him up and show you appreciate his efforts.
Nancy Rothbard suggests using the practice of “strategic apologies.” Its essence is that you offer a sincere apology for contacting your boss at the wrong time or admit your own small mistakes. "This can defuse the situation and shows that you understand the boss's difficult situation," says Nancy Rothbard.
If insults have become a regular practice
It is important to understand that insults do not indicate the professionalism of the boss and do not increase the employee’s productivity, but they are quite capable of becoming the basis for bringing to administrative responsibility.
There is a possibility that the situation can be transferred to a peaceful plane, having settled the conflict. If negotiations do not help, you must turn to the protection of the law. Rudeness is a direct attack on human rights specified in the Constitution. The Basic Law of our state does not allow the humiliation of the honor and dignity of an individual. Insult is a direct humiliation of honor and dignity.
Sometimes the situation can be resolved by appealing to higher management, over the head of the direct one. Sometimes this solves the problem. In the absence of such a manager or his response, it is necessary to consider the possibility of contacting one of the following authorities:
- Labour Inspectorate;
- police;
- prosecutor's office;
- court.
After the appeal, the authenticity of the facts indicated by him will be verified and if they are confirmed, the issue of bringing the guilty party to justice will be considered. The court does not conduct an inspection, it considers the claim, but it needs to provide compelling arguments in order for the decision to be made in favor of the plaintiff.
How to prove the fact of insult
Initially, it is necessary to prepare the evidence base. The following may be considered as evidence of insults and humiliation:
- audio and video recordings;
- written documentation;
- witness statements.
Info
If the boss insulted you in writing, you should attach all the papers to the application. Usually the insult is accompanied by the uttering of words that degrade honor and dignity. It is recommended that repeated rudeness be recorded on a tape recorder or reflected in a witness statement. The form will also need to reflect information that allows you to quickly contact the person who contacted the authorized body. Additionally, you will need to reflect information about your boss.
Responsibility under the law
The goal of a person reporting to these authorities is to both end the conflict and bring the offender to justice. It must be remembered that for humiliating the honor and dignity of another person, expressed in an indecent form, the boss may be held administratively liable for insulting an employee.
According to Article 5.61 of the Administrative Code, the official will pay a fine in the amount of 10 to 30 thousand rubles.
The time frame for consideration of the application is provided for by regulations governing the activities of the police, prosecutor's office, labor inspectorate and civil procedure code, if the application is submitted to a magistrate. The Criminal Code contains articles that provide for liability for threats of violence, causing harm to life and health, and the court can satisfy the demand for compensation for moral damage. If such threats are recorded, you need to file a statement with the police, asking them to take action and hold the employer’s representative accountable. Depending on the complexity of the situation, inspections or consideration of the case in court may take a long time.
There has already been a successful practice of holding superiors accountable for insulting a subordinate. The cases are still isolated, but they confirm that the law is completely on the side of the citizen who is forced to endure insult and rudeness at work.
How to put your boss in his place during a dialogue:
Reception. Ignoring.
This method is suitable for such types of bosses as “creepy”, “mother-director” and “slob”. Often their aggressive behavior is explained by some reason. Their anger shows that they have weakness and fear.
For example, the increased responsibility and love for the team of the father-boss forces him to interrupt the idyll and use rudeness.
The slob feels fear after the failure of the established actions.
And the reptile lashes out at his subordinates after a reprimand from his superiors.
During periods of aggression, it is recommended to focus on the assigned tasks and not pay attention to what is happening.
Reception. Nonverbal influence.
For a dictator boss, verbal influence is useless. You can reach him only with gestures, facial expressions and emotions. By showing dissatisfaction in this way, conflict situations can be avoided. The method is suitable for those who value and worry about their position.
Evidence material
Any accusation requires objective confirmation, which may include:
- Eyewitness testimony.
- Data from CCTV cameras.
- Recording from a voice recorder turned on during the incident. Depending on the sound quality, you may be able to attach a transcript.
The investigation period should not exceed 1 month. 2 months are allotted for the consideration of the case. The court decision can be appealed within 10 days after the decision is issued.
Any questions you may have can be asked in the comments to the article.
What does a manager have the right to?
If a boss yells and insults at work, the reason may be the misconduct of a subordinate. All actions that a manager can take are prescribed in the Labor Code of the Russian Federation. He has the right to:
- comment;
- rebuke;
- dismissal for good reason.
For example, an employee may be fired due to immoral misconduct, loss of trust, etc. Before applying a penalty, the employer must obtain an explanation from the subordinate. Whether to give it or not is the employee’s right.
A sanction can be applied to an employee no later than six months from the date of the offense, and based on the results of an audit and inspection - no later than two years. This period does not include the employee’s illness, his vacation, or criminal proceedings against him. The penalty is imposed only once for one offense. It must be justified by order.
Note!
An employer has no right to insult an employee either personally or in front of colleagues. The Labor Code of the Russian Federation does not provide for this.
Next, we’ll look at step-by-step instructions and explain what to do if your boss yells and humiliates you.
Do you have any questions?
To get the most detailed advice on your issue, you just need to follow any of the suggested options:
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on our website - Or just call the number: 8 800 350-83-74
Guilty without guilt
Often in organizations or at an enterprise, a situation arises when the employer does not formally violate labor laws, but creates such conditions for an employee he does not like that he wants to leave on his own.
Regardless of education, experience and position, anyone can encounter such an unpleasant factor.
This could be personal hostility, or the boss wants to make room for some “thieve,” and therefore he does his best to force the employee out of the organization, finds fault with every little thing, starts a conflict out of nowhere, and every day of the subordinate turns into a nightmare.
Let's consider those situations when the option of “just leaving” a tyrant boss does not suit us. Of course, if an employee could painlessly change jobs, then no one would make a problem out of it at all. Naturally, each situation is unique, but I hope the advice will be useful to you in some way.
What can't you do?
- Tolerate public insults in silence. This way you risk losing the respect of not only your boss, but also your colleagues.
- Respond with rudeness. Rudeness breeds new aggression. Don't stoop to the level of a boor, respect your dignity.
- Criticize the boss. No boss likes criticism. If your boss is a dictator, you risk deepening the conflict. By judging your boss in a fit of anger, you provoke a negative outburst on you. A single aggressive attack will turn into persistent hostility on the part of the manager.
- Humbly ask for forgiveness and take the blame upon yourself. This way you humiliate your own dignity and give the tyrant a free hand. You will be held responsible for all incidents in the office. This behavior is especially dangerous with a sadist and slob. If respect in the team does not play a big role for you or the dialogue with the boss takes place in private, you can take the blame for communicating with a dictator or a coward. Aggressive attacks will stop.
How to contact the inspectorate?
If insulting an employee in the workplace has become a habit for a manager, such an attitude towards oneself cannot be tolerated. A subordinate has the right to complain to the labor inspectorate if the manager humiliates the subordinate in order to force him to resign.
To contact the labor inspectorate, the following materials are required:
- A statement from the employee with a detailed description of the situation.
- A copy of the employment contract, and ideally its original.
- Photos, video or audio recordings confirming inappropriate behavior on the part of a superior person.
