Two years have passed since St. Petersburg resident Olga Lobanova won her case in the ECHR. Her son was bullied in kindergarten, and the woman achieved justice, although it took years. But it seems that this story has taught no one anything, and the arbitrariness in kindergartens continues. Maya Milova talks about what is happening right now in St. Petersburg kindergarten No. 2 in the Kalininsky district.
I am very lucky: my child accepts change relatively easily. When the teachers in our group changed in September, my son took it quite calmly. But almost immediately it became clear that one of the new teachers liked to yell at the children.
I approached her and asked her not to raise her voice at our child. At first it seemed somehow even awkward; after all, the man was very elderly. But in response, I heard that the children themselves “pushed” the experienced teacher by talking in a quiet hour, and the awkwardness instantly disappeared. Now I think that I should have heeded this call right away.
After several such requests, the son began to say that they don’t yell at him, but at the other children - as much as they like. It was probably cowardly, but it seemed to me that other parents would figure it out on their own, and our situation was under control. It seemed like this to me exactly until March 8th. Before the matinee, one of the mothers told me something that made my hair stand on end.
It turned out that back in November, that same screaming teacher got angry with her son because he took a piece of paper of the wrong color - she said to take blue, and he took red, or vice versa. For this, a teacher with 31 years of experience hit the child on the head. Since then, she apparently took a dislike to this boy: the mother spoke about other cases when he was humiliated or refused help. The child has developed a stutter and is naturally afraid to go to kindergarten.
To say that I was amazed is to say nothing. And about this lady, I thought that the situation with her was under control? That evening we talked to my son. He not only confirmed what I had learned, but also told me about another incident. It seemed to me that only after my questioning did the child realize that these were abnormal events.
I asked my son to definitely tell me if something like this happens again. Less than two weeks later, at dinner, we heard that another girl had been hit in the head. “She was talking during quiet time,” my child explained. “What did you do when this happened?” - “I hid under the blanket.” I was ready to take my son out of the group immediately. But he was very against it, he wanted to be among friends. The next morning the husband went to talk with the teacher.
Naturally, she denied everything. Well, that is how: she denied blows to the head. “Only sometimes, lightly, on the butt” (once again: in the 21st century in St. Petersburg, a teacher considers it normal to hit a pupil on the butt). Her husband told her that this should not concern our son.
Only sometimes, lightly, on the butt
What did the teacher with 31 years of experience do next? I admit, we did not expect this. Will you try to guess?
Of all the possible options, the lady chose this one: she attacked our four-year-old son and began to convince him that he had not seen what he had seen. “It turns out I got it mixed up,” my son told me in the evening, his eyes darting strangely. “She didn’t hit the children at all, and if she did, it was on the bottom.” "Why do you say that?" - “She told me so.”
Meanwhile, the mother of the injured girl - the one whose crime was discussed in quiet hours - talked to her daughter. “I have long noticed that my daughter somehow shrinks when entering a group,” she said. Only now the mother realized how intimidated the child was. After much questioning, the girl confirmed what had happened with the words: “Just don’t tell her that I told you!”
I took my child to a commercial kindergarten and wrote to the education committee, the district education department and the head of the kindergarten.
As I write this column, I have only received an official response from the Education Committee. Briefly, it can be recounted as follows: the teacher denies everything, we recommended the head to strengthen control, if you have evidence, go to the police. In a telephone conversation with me, committee employee Tatyana Fedorova made it quite clear that the best option for me would be to simply take the child.
The manager of the garden, Lyudmila Masalova, also called me, about three weeks after the whole story began. Her speech boiled down to the following: a “pedagogical investigation” was being carried out; the teacher can sue me; It is not clear why I am talking about systematic violations, although I know of only three cases. Once again: three known cases of violence against children in kindergarten are not a system, but nonsense, one-time failures. The manager of the garden thinks so. XXI Century. Petersburg.
And of course, all this time the person who is suspected of child abuse continues to calmly work with them. “Her activities have been put under control,” the manager told me. Do you know what this means? Periodically, a senior teacher comes to the group and looks at what they are doing there. Are you even serious? What about video cameras? - "It's out of the question".
As I wrote at the very beginning, my family is definitely lucky. First of all, physical abuse did not directly affect my child. Secondly, he endured psychological violence relatively easily. Thirdly, he quickly adapted to new circumstances, found new friends in the commercial garden and is no longer so eager to join his former group. And finally, I basically had the opportunity to evacuate him to this commercial garden.
I wondered: what if all this had been different - if my financial situation had been worse, and my child had been more vulnerable and impressionable, more afraid of change? How would I protect him then?
Parents are told that children’s testimony does not count, and adults’ complaints will not be taken seriously until a burnt-out woman, accustomed to impunity, causes real trouble. Are we, adults, really deprived of the opportunity to protect our children even in such a simple situation? Experts explain: everything is not as hopeless as they try to make us believe.
Why do children hit other children?
For us, children are the sweetest creatures who cannot intentionally harm another living being. But you go to kindergarten and realize that in addition to pleasant holidays, you have another problem when children in a group hit each other . Why does this happen, how to react to it, what to do – practicing child psychologist Irina Mlodik will answer in the video program:
What should parents do if their child is beaten in kindergarten?
First of all, talk to your child and try to find out as much as possible from him about what is happening. Don't put pressure on your child , but be sure to ask him about his own behavior.
It often happens that children behave provocatively or start a fight themselves, and parents complain about beatings. But such statistics are not a reason to mistrust your child. It is quite possible that your child really gets it for nothing. In this case, only a calm and reasonable conversation will help you. Remember that psychologists often encounter children who are victims of violence and use methods of playing with dolls or drawings to make the “investigation” more comfortable. If you wish, you can try to apply them yourself or seek help from a full-time psychologist in a kindergarten or clinic.
IMPORTANT! In any case, you cannot leave the situation without making a final decision. After all, no one can protect your baby except you!
How to behave if a child is beaten in kindergarten
A lot depends on your behavior. And the most important thing is that you do not dismiss such stories if a child is beaten in kindergarten , but imbue the situation without emotion, but with common sense. Don’t forget that you need to behave calmly and don’t do anything rash. Be confident and try to look at the situation objectively.
After you have talked with your child, discuss the problem with the teacher. It is very important to understand what he thinks about this situation. Since the teacher is with your child most of the time, he will be able to tell you much more. It happens that the teacher remains distant, although he knows about the problem child. But he doesn’t want or can’t solve the problem with the little fighter .
Sometimes children who initiate a fight behave impudently , taking advantage of the certain position of their parents. This is especially true for children whose parents, in any situation, regardless of the degree of guilt of the child, protect and present him as a victim, and not as an instigator. However, if the situation is not so difficult, then the teacher will look more closely at the children’s relationships and will accept as necessary. The teacher should also discuss the problem with the parents of the fighting child in private. Having clarified exactly how they should carry out educational work on their part.
If children do not stop hitting each other , and the teacher refuses to solve the problem or completely ignores its existence, it is worth talking personally with the parents of the problem child. Ask other parents if they have heard stories from their children about fighting. Without unnecessary emotions, try to create a unified strategy of behavior. If you are not the only suffering party, then perhaps it is worth uniting with moms and dads like you and collectively talk to the parents of the offender. In such a situation, there are also several options for the development of events:
- One of them, which has the best outcome, is that parents will talk with their child and be able to explain to the child that hitting other children is not good. Perhaps the rules of behavior in kindergarten had not been clarified to him until this moment and the baby simply did not know that it was impossible to fight back toys with fists.
- Otherwise, the parents of the child who is the instigator of the fights either cannot find an approach to their child themselves, or simply refuse to do so. In this case, everything will be clear to you after the first conversation with them on the topic of fights between children .
When the situation seems hopeless and your child continues to suffer from bullying in kindergarten , contact the director of the kindergarten and talk to him about the problem.
Of course, it may turn out that he, like the teacher, will not do anything to help you and prevent violence among children. However, if you are lucky, the manager can independently conduct a conversation with the parents of the little fidget.
Each kindergarten is assigned a psychologist who is required to work with similar cases when children hit each other or if a child is beaten in kindergarten . In fact, this is the third step, after which you go to the manager.
If you are not alone in the problem of child beatings , write a collective complaint to the manager. If there is no truth here either, the education administration, with a complaint about the whole situation and the inaction of its staff in the preschool institution, will definitely help.
Also, one of the options for solving the problem is to transfer the child to another group. You can transfer your baby or, in case you are not the only one affected by one child, they can transfer him. In each case, the issue is resolved individually.
My son was hit in kindergarten...teacher. Added the result of the conversation.
I’ll say right away that my son has been going to kindergarten for 3 years now and, with all the transitions and changes in teachers, this is the first time such a problem has arisen for me.
I am a psychologist myself and soberly assess my children. My eldest son has never been particularly aggressive or prone to such fantasies. Yes, his fun sometimes gets out of control, but if you keep him occupied with something, he immediately calms down. In general, he becomes difficult to control only from idleness.
We arrived at lunchtime from kindergarten, according to the usual schedule. We fed Timoshka and are getting ready to sleep. I put Tim to bed, and Yasik falls asleep on his own. I’m sitting with the youngest and hear Yasya sobbing in the next room. I asked him what happened - he was silent. I tell him this way and that - he’s silent. So he cried for about an hour and I couldn’t get anything out of him. I say, if someone offended you, then I have to know about it, I promise not to scold you, no matter what happens, even if someone told you that your mother will definitely punish you for this... don’t believe me, I have to know . I ask, did one of the children offend you? - no, teacher - yes. What she did (we’ve had a new teacher for a couple of days now) was scolded me. Why - because I screamed. (the same news to me, this is not a reason to cry, I think) When she scolded me - with bad words, she answers. My eyes widened, I wanted to ask which ones, but he didn’t remember. Then I ask, did she hit you? - Yes, he says, it hurts on the butt. I began to feel a slight tremor... I ask, were you the only one screaming? - no, everyone, but were they all punished? - no, just me... period.
I still can’t calm down.. What should I do now? where to go and who to talk to? You can’t let this kind of teacher behavior go down like that.
I will say right away that my mother is a very impressionable person, and she also works in the methodological office of the education department. She immediately called the manager, made a fuss, and she promised to take action. What measures could these be? Will this end up hurting my son later? Should I still come talk to her?
I'm in a panic - please give me some advice!!!
I talked to the teacher this morning!
I’ll say right away that my conclusion from the conversation is that she is to blame, because how much and persistently she asked me for forgiveness, although she did not admit that she hit him. She described to me a thousand reasons why she screamed yesterday (so much so that she almost lost her voice today) - 30 children in the group, she is a new person, preparing gifts for mothers, preparing a matinee, etc. During the conversation, her eyes began to become moist, although I spoke to her more than calmly (still - 2 tablets of valerian on an empty stomach), which further reinforced my confidence in her wine. I did not seek recognition from her, especially since I found out that she was with us temporarily. I simply asked her to continue to control her emotions and treat children more delicately and, secondly, I urgently asked her not to transfer this situation to my child and to the objectivity of working with him. She asked me to clarify all conflict situations with her personally from now on. To which I replied that for the entire time she was in our group, I didn’t even know her name, she never came out to talk to me when I picked up the child and that we had no contact with her. In general, I have never had a cuter bead. I really hope that I impressed her as a serious person and that she will remember for the rest of her life that parents will always be aware of what is happening with their children in the garden. Phew...
What advice should I give to children who, if they are beaten in kindergarten?
Of course, it is important that you explain to your child at home some behavior tips that will help him if he is beaten in kindergarten .
- First, tell your child that you shouldn’t get involved with a child who tends to take his anger out on other children. Let him play with other children and avoid communication with the bully.
- Secondly, teach your child to fight back. Yes, if your child gets hit in the garden “for no reason,” be sure to teach him to hit back. Sometimes it happens that no one gives back to a problem child and therefore he feels a certain permissiveness. But in this case, it is better that the teacher is aware of this method.
- Let the child not accept beatings. Tell your child not to let the instigator get away with everything. Let him inform you and the teacher about each such case.
Writing and submitting an application to the court for beating a child
The application must indicate the name of the court and its address. Describe in detail the event of the offense, its place, time, and circumstances of its implementation, the request to accept the case for proceedings, personal data about the victim, his passport data, personal data of the person brought to criminal responsibility, a list of witnesses who need to be called to the court hearing for questioning , as well as sign the applicant.
The application is sent to the court with copies according to the number of persons against whom a private prosecution case is being initiated. The statement indicates that you have been warned about criminal liability for knowingly false denunciation.
So, in this article we examined the nuances of the legal impact on teachers in the event that a child is subjected to physical violence in kindergarten, the type and amount of responsibility for such actions.
ATTENTION!
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What to do when a teacher hits a child in kindergarten
There are also cases when a child in kindergarten is hit not by another child, but by the teacher. If a child says and complains that the teacher beats him , then find out the details from him:
- Find out exactly what your child means by the word “hits.” Of course, it doesn’t matter how hard or where the teacher hit the child. Assault in any form is unwelcoming. You should be wary, even if the child was simply spanked on the bottom .
- Ask your child how often similar situations have occurred. Since he will not yet be able to say the exact answer to this question, ask him about it every day and estimate for yourself how often the teacher hit the children in kindergarten.
- Find out if the teacher hits other children.
IMPORTANT! If you see traces of beatings, be sure to contact the police department's police department, having previously attached an inspection report of the beatings filmed. While the circumstances are being clarified, try not to take your child to kindergarten.
Sometimes, teachers can be quite cruel ; there are many videos of teachers beating a child . If you find yourself in such a situation, first talk to the teacher himself. If he refuses and denies his guilt or does not consider his behavior unacceptable, contact the head of the kindergarten with a statement. She must understand the situation in detail and urgently and take measures against the teacher. Usually this is at a minimum dismissal if the cases are serious and frequent, and applications do not stop coming in her name.
If you have not received any support from the management of the kindergarten, or if beating of your child continues and the situation is not resolved in any way, contact the police department’s police department, having first drawn up a report of the beating.
You can immediately go to court on your own, if you know all the information about the teacher necessary to file an application and you have removed the beatings. If you do not have all the information you need, then you will definitely have to write a statement to the police. Based on the accepted application, an investigation into the case of beating a child by a teacher . Depending on the court's decision, the perpetrator may be given various punishments in the form of fines, community service, restrictions or imprisonment.
Punishment for beating a child by a teacher
The specified type of crime without qualifying features may entail
- fine - up to 40,000 rubles or in the amount of the defendant’s earnings for up to 3 months;
- compulsory work - up to 360 hours;
- correctional labor - up to 6 months;
- arrest - up to 3 months.
If the above acts were carried out out of hooligan motives or on the basis of racial, political, national, ideological or religious enmity or hatred, or on the basis of enmity or hatred against any social group, then the punishment shall be in the form of
- compulsory work up to 360 hours;
- correctional labor for up to 1 year;
- restrictions of freedom up to 2 years;
- forced labor for up to 2 years;
- arrest up to 6 months;
- imprisonment for up to 2 years.
As you can see, the punishment for beating is quite harsh and even if you threaten to be held accountable for this, the teacher will lose the desire to offend your child.
