It is not customary to talk about this problem out loud. Parents, having learned that their child is stealing, experience confusion, shame and, of course, fear: “No one in our family has ever done this,” “What will I tell my friends?”, “We raised a criminal!”
If previously theft was considered a characteristic of children from disadvantaged families, today there are frequent cases when children from families with high material income steal.
What is behind child thefts? Why do children start stealing? How to stop a child from taking what belongs to others? You will find answers to these and other questions in this article.
Do you suspect a child of stealing? Can't get the truth out of him? Find out how things really are - download the Where Are My Children application from the AppStore and GooglePlay stores.
Stealing from teenagers
As a child enters adolescence, the reasons why they might steal become more varied and complex. Many teenagers shoplift in front of their friends to impress them, since in most cases the riskiest behavior is the most impressive among their peers. Some teenagers use stealing as a way to assert their independence in a world where adults rule. Teens may also steal out of boredom or if they are looking for a thrill. They may feel that stealing, like all other types of bad behavior, is the only way to get their parents' attention. They may also steal to get revenge on someone who has harmed them or treated them unfairly. And, of course, teenagers may steal for practical reasons, for example, if they want something they cannot afford.
Thefts of children of all ages
Preschool age
The definition of “theft” is not entirely correct for preschool children, because there is no criminal motive in their actions. Kids don't steal, but take someone else's things without asking. They take it because they like it. They take it because they want to have it for themselves. They take it because they don’t yet understand that there is “mine” and there is “someone else’s.”
A child can take someone else’s thing if he wants to punish the offender.
Case study: Vanya brought a toy crane to kindergarten. The children asked Vanya to let him play with him, but Vanya refused, even to his best friend Pasha. When Vanya’s mother came to pick him up in the evening, it turned out that the tap was missing from the cabinet. Everyone rushed to look for the loss, but they never found it. The next day it turned out that Pasha had taken the tap from Vanya’s locker when no one was looking. He wanted to punish Vanya for his greed and at the same time play with such a wonderful toy himself.
School age
At school age, objects of theft include writing materials, stickers, and small toys. Most often, children act spontaneously, without thinking about the consequences of their actions and the feelings of the victim.
Case from practice: The teacher gave a task - to make mushrooms from colored paper and cardboard. Olesya made the most beautiful craft - her mother bought self-adhesive colored film and, together with her daughter, painted each mushroom. After the end of the lesson, the children went to the dining room for lunch, and the mushrooms were left on everyone’s desk. Upon returning, Olesya found someone else’s craft on her desk. After Olesya’s investigation, mushrooms were found on the desk of Alena, a girl from a low-income family who had been seen in similar acts more than once.
⠀ Shoplifting is also popular among schoolchildren. In an effort to prove “coolness” and independence, girls and boys steal chewing gum, chocolates, nail polishes, and Kinder surprises.
Theft at school age is often accompanied by lies. Even if the child was caught at the scene of a crime, he will deny his guilt to the last. With the help of lies, children try to avoid fair punishment for their actions.
The lack of pocket money also pushes children to steal: someone secretly takes money from their parents’ wallet, and someone steals a chocolate bar at the checkout in a store. This action is usually driven by a feeling of personal inferiority (“everyone has it, but I don’t”) and the desire to prove one’s importance through the possession of this or that thing.
Adolescence
During adolescence, self-affirmation and the desire to take a place in the group come to the fore for a teenager. Therefore, thefts committed at this age are associated with the acquisition of a “fashionable” item or with the goal of becoming “one of our own” in the company of peers. Teenagers with an underdeveloped volitional sphere and unformed moral principles are more likely to steal.
Also, the reason for theft can be not only an attempt to assert oneself or weak will, but also theft “for company.”
Case from practice: Dasha grew up as an exemplary, calm girl. She studied well and helped her mother around the house. Everything changed when Dasha turned 15 years old. She began to walk at night with a group of peers, lie, and skip classes. The parents were worried that their girl had changed so much, but hoped that it would soon pass. And then, like a bolt from the blue, a call came: Dasha was taken to the police station on suspicion of complicity in car theft. It turned out that a boy from Dasha’s company stole the keys to his stepfather’s garage in order to go for a ride in the car with everyone else. The teenagers climbed into the garage, rolled out the car, and then police officers arrived. An alarm went off in the garage, which the guys forgot to turn off.
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Are you worried that your child has gotten involved with bad company and is getting involved in dangerous things? Dispel your suspicions or make sure they are true and help your child. Download the Where Are My Children application from the AppStore and GooglePlay stores to use the geolocation function or record sound around the gadget.
Plan
If your child steals from a store or another person, plan how you will return the item or pay for it. Make sure your child is involved in the process. In addition to the consequences that the other party outlines, add your own consequences that apply to theft (for example, doing housework for little pay until the child earns the value of the item he stole and then donates the money earned to charity) so that your the child understood how seriously you took this situation.
Why is he doing this?
The motives for stealing can vary greatly from child to child, and a child may steal for a variety of reasons. There is no one reason like “you are not engaged in your child and he needs more attention.” It is not always easy to figure out why this happens, even if the child has his own property at home and knows how to distinguish between “his own and someone else’s.” Children can steal because in this way they satisfy some psychological need, and do not see other ways to realize it. (Of course, we are not talking about children who steal food in order not to be hungry).
The reasons could be, for example:
1. The child is impulsive and wants immediate gratification of his desires 2. He was not taught that stealing is wrong, or he had the opportunity to observe how adults do it with other people's things or the child's things 3. He really wants the attention of an adult. And he believes that negative attention is better than no attention at all 4. The child lacks family closeness and feels forgotten. He thinks that with the help of a stolen item he can “return” love 5. The child is suffering from abuse and needs help 6. This is a way of expressing feelings of anger or anxiety caused by major life changes, such as parental divorce, moving, transition to a new school or rejection by peers 7. He wants to take revenge for the pain and harm that other people have caused him: steals to hurt someone 8. The child passionately wants what others have, is jealous, and cannot buy or ask from parents, fearing rejection. For example, this could be some kind of food, toys, clothing from famous brands, or gadgets. 9. He wants to show off 10. The child wants to look tough, brave and cool in order to fit in with the peer group 11. He likes the feeling of stealing, he feels power and impunity 12. He rebels against authority or too strict family rules 13. The teenager needs money, to buy alcohol, cigarettes and drugs
Children who steal regularly are usually impulsive, feel lonely, unwanted, insensitive to the needs of others, feel bored and angry, and have low self-esteem. They often find it difficult to trust other people and have close relationships with friends.
Let him know that this is unacceptable
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You need to make it clear to your child that you will not tolerate theft in your home, and clearly communicate to him the consequences of stealing in the future. If this happens again, be sure to implement the consequences you promised him. However, do not forget about the presumption of innocence, so do not rummage through your child’s things until you have clear evidence that he has started stealing again.
Bad Company
Many teenagers begin to steal and commit other similar offenses in the company of friends, without whom they would not even think about such actions. If your child steals in front of friends, you should discuss this problem with him. You might consider stopping your child from hanging out with these friends, but you need to be realistic—this strategy usually has the opposite effect and makes these friends even more attractive to your teen. Instead, you should work with your child on the ability to refuse. Teach him to say, "You can do what you want, but I don't want any more trouble, so I'll wait outside."
Provide employment
Crimes are often committed by teenagers who have a lot of free time. Previously, we were all busy all day: school, extra classes or training, then we still had to do homework. Now everything is paid, parents do not always have the opportunity to place their children somewhere, but this needs to be done. Even if teenagers do not go to sections or clubs, we need to provide them with something to do during the day. This could be some kind of household chores, helping neighbors or acquaintances. The main thing is to prevent idleness and teach the child to work. Without this it is difficult to raise a true Christian. After all, a real Christian is not one who lies on the couch all day and says: “Lord, have mercy and give me something to eat!”, but one who works hard all day. What was Adam called to do? - to cultivate and maintain the Garden of Eden. Our task now is to cultivate what surrounds us.
Consequences
Help your child understand that the consequences of stealing are much more serious than just personal punishment. Talk to your child about how shoplifting causes prices to rise, or about what a society would look like without laws against theft. Not only do these types of discussions develop your child's empathy and improve their thinking skills, but the time and effort you put into your child will pay off in the future, regardless of the topic of the conversation.
Golden mean
When it comes to your child and material goods, try to find a middle ground. Understand that things like clothing and technology are very important to a teenager because they act as a way of demonstrating both individuality and membership in a particular group that is important to him. Don't give your teen everything he asks for, as this can make him feel entitled and lack respect for the property of others. Instead, allow your teen to earn the material goods of their choice through long periods of good behavior, or you can help them find a way to earn money on their own.
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Parents' mistakes
Parental educational methods and mistakes can push a child into stealing or aggravate an existing tendency to steal:
- inconsistency in educational measures, when in one situation a child is punished for an offense, but in another he can avoid punishment;
- inconsistent demands of adults (mom prohibits something, but dad, on the contrary, allows it);
- permissiveness of the child, lack of instilled moral standards;
- total control over the child’s life;
- “double” morality in the family, when a son or daughter is allowed to take everything, including money, if mom/dad is in a good mood.
