The Ninth Commandment of God's Law is: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Ex. 20:16). In other words, the Lord commands a person not to slander. Jews call the language of slander the “triple tongue” because slander harms three groups of people: those who spread it; to those who listen to her; those who are slandered.
So let's figure out what libel is?
The Word is one of the precious gifts of the Heavenly Creator to people, but at the same time, this gift can be the most harmful thing on earth, which can destroy anything.
Why do people gossip
One RIM Dunbar.
Gossip in Evolutionary Perspective / Review of General Psychology from versions, in the past, gossip was a way to establish contacts in large social groups and convey important information. For example, that a merchant is selling yesterday’s fish, or that a drunken fight has broken out somewhere and it’s better not to go there. According to another version, the function of gossip is to RF Baumeister, L. Zhang, KD Vohs. Gossip as Cultural Learning / Review of General Psychology to identify socially unacceptable behavior and thus educate society. To one degree or another, everyone gossips: RIM Dunbar, A. Marriott, NDC Duncan. Human conversational behavior/Human Nature. Research by M. L. Robbins, A. Karan. Who Gossips and How in Everyday Life? / Social Psychological and Personality Science show that most often it is just innocent conversations about other people. However, gossip can also be damaging and offensive.
What will happen to the slanderer?
The Holy Scriptures in the book of Revelation show what will happen to the devil, whose name is the slanderer. “And I heard a loud voice in heaven saying, Now is the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ, because the accuser of our brethren is cast out, who slandered them before our God day and night” (Rev. 12:10). The fate of the main slanderer, Satan, is in the underworld.
We will all one day stand before God, and we will have to answer for our every action. So let's leave behind bad deeds in order to appear before God with pure hearts. Jesus commanded us to love one another as He loved us with His boundless love.
Elena Bessalova
Where does gossip come from?
There are three main ways. In the first case, initially true information, having passed through several hands (or mouths), acquires incredible details, or even turns into something completely different. Someone heard something wrong, someone misunderstood, someone forgot part of it and made it up on their own - this is how real facts can give rise to gossip.
The second reason is the spread of unverified information, that is, rumors. When a person knows something only fragmentarily, he strives to figure out what is missing on his own. For example, someone saw something briefly or heard it out of the corner of his ear, “learned everything” and spread it around. This is how the most ridiculous gossip can appear.
Finally, the third reason is when people deliberately spread false information. Motives may be different:
- Boredom. People try to compensate for inferiority and lack of color in their own lives, and therefore they exaggerate/distort information about others or invent fables and purposefully create conflicts.
- Out of a desire to rise in the eyes of others. Gossip performs an important social function: retelling it brings people closer together. Some may spread defamatory information about others to gain attention and increase their authority.
- Out of anger. Gossip can E. Seppälä. What to Do When You're the Target of a Hurtful Office Rumor / Harvard Business Review is spread by spiteful critics who deliberately try to denigrate a person against whom they, for some reason, harbor a grudge.
- Because of a spoiled first impression. People often make assumptions about another person based on their first meeting and sometimes spread these preconceptions among people they know.
How did slander come about?
The father of slander is the devil. He was created as an angel, but, having become proud and wanting to be equal to God, he was cast down to earth, becoming after the fall the “prince of darkness,” “father of lies,” “murderer” (John 8:44) - the leader of the rebellion against God.
From the Hebrew language the word “devil” is literally translated as “adversary, slanderer.” When a person slanderes, he is doing what the devil usually does. It is written in the Bible that the devil himself constantly slanderes people before God.
The Bible tells how Satan slandered Job before the Lord by questioning the man's piety. The devil invited the Lord to test the righteous Job. God allowed suffering in Job’s life, and Satan’s slander was not confirmed: Job withstood the test, thereby proving his loyalty and love for God.
How to understand if someone is gossiping about you
There are several signs that others will spread rumors about you or are already doing so.
They've already gossiped about others
If someone likes to discuss other people's lives, it means that he is unlikely to deny himself the pleasure of gossiping about you. Such people like to ingratiate themselves in order to extract the information they need. And if you open up with them, after some time you can learn a lot of new things about yourself - albeit from new lips.
They stop talking when they see you
If, for example, you walk into a room full of colleagues and they suddenly go silent, this could be a pretty worrying sign. Of course, they could be talking about something frivolous. But most likely they were just discussing you.
They ask you strange questions
If, for example, someone started a rumor that you were vacationing in the Maldives during an extended vacation, there may be someone who is interested in knowing the details. And this person will be very surprised when he finds out that you actually spent a week at home with a fever.
Sometimes, if the interlocutor is afraid or embarrassed to ask directly, he can ask leading questions like “What did you do over the weekend?” or “How did you spend your free time?”
Conversation in front of the victim or behind his back?
A lie can be voiced both to a group of people and to one person. In this case, information is transmitted that is known to be untrue. Information is transmitted that a person participated in immoral acts or committed illegal acts. All this information is aimed at disgracing a person. It does not matter whether the victim was present at the moment when the slander was uttered. Article 129 provides that even if a lie was voiced in front of a person, punishment will still follow.
There is one peculiarity - if false information was expressed to the victim directly, without witnesses or outsiders, in this case the speaker may be accused of causing insult.
Why gossip should not be tolerated
Not all gossip is equally harmful, but some of it can hit a person very hard.
They tarnish the reputation
We perceive bad impressions much more acutely E. Seppälä. What to Do When You're the Target of a Hurtful Office Rumor / Harvard Business Review than positive ones. This is largely why we usually M. Feinberg, R. Willer, M. Schultz. Gossip and Ostracism Promote Cooperation in Groups / Psychological Science We take information that portrays someone in an unsavory light seriously. This kind of warns us of potential danger.
The problem is that this information may be false, and negative biases are very difficult to overcome. Therefore, gossipers can greatly damage the reputation of their victim.
They ruin your life
A damaged reputation often leads to problems communicating with other people. So, because of gossip, the team can E. Seppälä. What to Do When You're the Target of a Hurtful Office Rumor / Harvard Business Review start ignoring or even bullying the person.
The victim of gossip can E. Martinescu, O. Janssen, BA Nijstad. Self-Evaluative and Other-Directed Emotional and Behavioral Responses to Gossip About the Self / Frontiers in Psychology experience serious mental health problems. So, some people’s self-esteem drops, depression appears, and some even think about suicide.
They can instill a false sense of guilt
Some start looking for E. Martinescu, O. Janssen, BA Nijstad. Self‑Evaluative and Other‑Directed Emotional and Behavioral Responses to Gossip About the Self / Frontiers in Psychology the reason for the appearance of gossip in oneself. They try to understand what they did to the offenders or where they stumbled, giving them a reason to gloat. Thus, a person seems to project false information onto himself in such a way that he himself begins to believe in the speculation circulating about him. Because of this, he may blame himself for something that does not exist.
Aggravating circumstances
In matters of slander, there is the concept of aggravating circumstances. These are cases where the information was disseminated in writing or in print, or was also disclosed in an anonymous letter. Also, severe punishment is imposed on those who have previously been convicted under the same article. This assumes that such a person has an outstanding criminal record. If a conviction for previous slander is withdrawn or expunged, then in the current case these facts are not taken into account.
Aggravating circumstances include the fact that the victim suffered irreparable harm as a result of the dissemination of false information: he was fired from his job, his marriage broke up, or the person was hospitalized. Each case requires individual consideration.
How to cope with emotions if people gossip about you
To prevent gossip from ruining your mental health, Yale School of Management lecturer and director of the Center for the Study of Altruism and Education at Stanford University Emma Seppälä recommends E. Seppälä. What to Do When You're the Target of a Hurtful Office Rumor / Harvard Business Review do the following.
Don't give up and don't let your feelings get the better of you.
Because of injustice and resentment, you can E. Martinescu, O. Janssen, BA Nijstad. Self-Evaluative and Other-Directed Emotional and Behavioral Responses to Gossip About the Self / Frontiers in Psychology to feel powerless. At such moments, it is better to distract yourself for a while and return to the problem with a “cool” head. Therefore, try to find something that will calm you down: special breathing practices, meditation, rest from work, playing sports or walking in the fresh air.
Don't blame yourself
You must understand that it is not your fault that someone said something bad about you. Especially if it's not true. Try to realize that gossipers are not discussing your real personality. For them, you are just a vague image generated by their complexes, envy, anger or inferiority. This image is not you, and it exists only in the heads of your offenders. And they should be ashamed, not you.
In addition, negativity is usually associated not only with the person to whom it applies, but also with the person spreading it. Is it worth taking the opinions of such people seriously? Not at all.
Forgive the gossipers for their narrow-mindedness
Research shows 1. S. Noreen, RN Bierman, MD MacLeod. Forgiving You Is Hard, but Forgetting Seems Easy: Can Forgiveness Facilitate Forgetting? / Psychological Science 2. X. Zheng, R. Fehr, K. Tai et al. The Unburdening Effects of Forgiveness: Effects on Slant Perception and Jumping Height / Social Psychological and Personality Science that it can help you worry less about gossip. Try to sincerely forgive your own offenders. For example, acknowledge that their life is probably so hard or boring that they are interfering with yours. You may even feel sorry for them to yourself. Remember that those who forgive others do better for themselves.
Let time pass
Perhaps the gossip will quickly subside on its own. If, for example, in a new team they say about you that you like to push work onto others, but you demonstrate over and over again that you do everything yourself and even sometimes help your colleagues, the rumor will quickly die out. Therefore, before you do anything, think about whether the phrases discrediting you will sound just as loud a week or a month later. They're probably not even worth your reaction.
Don't let gossipers feel like they've hurt you
Try not to show them how much the information they spread hurts you, and remain calm. Your upset or violent reaction will not only convince the majority of the truth of the rumors, but will also please those who deliberately lie about you out of envy or hidden anger.
Share your experiences only with close people and those you trust and who can support you. This will get rid of the feeling that you are alone against the whole world.
What can you do to stop gossip?
Also Emma Seppälä and University of Michigan professor Kim Cameron (K. Cameron) give 1. E. Seppälä. What to Do When You're the Target of a Hurtful Office Rumor / Harvard Business Review 2. E. Seppälä, K. Cameron. Proof That Positive Work Cultures Are More Productive / Harvard Business Review some tips on how to combat the spread of slander.
Don't pretend you don't know anything about rumors circulating about you.
If you have already heard that someone is spreading gossip about you, there is no point in trying to convince others that this is the first time you have heard about it. This will work against you and in favor of those who falsely accuse you. Especially if false information has already spread around everyone. Don’t be ashamed of people gossiping about you, because it’s not your fault. Openly admit that you are aware. For example, say something like “I have heard that some people believe...”. This way you will show that you are not afraid of evil tongues and you have nothing to hide.
Find your allies
It is especially useful to immediately announce that you have become the object of unfair rumors to your friends and those with whom you communicate well and who treat you favorably. If you yourself tell them that stories are being spread about you, most likely these people will believe you rather than the gossipers. And then you will have allies in the fight against untruth.
Show that gossip is false
The best way to combat false information is the truth. Therefore, if you can refute rumors with reason, do so! Someone says that you started an affair with a colleague and the other day after your shift you went to a restaurant together? Tell us that you actually went to a seminar where a bunch of people saw you, including several people from work.
But it is worth remembering that an explanation should not look like an excuse. For example, you are not obliged to report to anyone about your life and are free to talk about it only when you yourself see fit, and not when someone is trying to pin you against the wall with their conjectures.
Talk to someone who is gossiping about you
This conversation may be unpleasant and awkward, but it can bear fruit. So, the person who started a rumor may not know that he was spreading a lie, and may not understand that it brings you discomfort. It is possible that after the conversation he will change his point of view and stop doing nasty things.
Therefore, sometimes it makes sense to talk with the gossiper in private, to reasonfully explain to him why he is wrong and what damage he is causing. In this case, you should behave calmly and restrainedly.
Maintain your dignity
Don’t make scandals and don’t start public fights with offenders. All this does not play in your favor and only convinces people of the veracity of the rumors.
Also, there is no need to stoop to the level of gossipers and create slander yourself. This may lead people to think that you are trying to hide the truth of conversations about you with false rumors. By doing so, you will only strengthen the gossip.
Protect your good name by law
In especially severe cases, for example, when gossip has developed into bullying, causing you moral or even physical damage, you can go to court and bring the offender to criminal liability for libel, Article 128.1 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. Slander. True, you will have to prove that there was a dissemination of deliberately false information discrediting your honor or reputation. And this will not be easy to do.
The consequences of slander cannot be corrected
Slander never goes unnoticed. If you touch the water, circles will go through it. At first they are very small, but then they will become larger. The spread of these circles cannot be stopped. Slander has the same consequences. Let's see these consequences in the following story.
One man walked around a small village, cursing his neighbor and spreading false, evil rumors about him. But after a while he felt repentance and, coming to his neighbor, asked for forgiveness. He said that he was ready to do anything to atone for his sin. The neighbor then suggested that he take a pillow from home, rip it open and let the feathers fly into the wind. The request was rather strange, but it was not difficult to fulfill.
Having done as he was told, the man returned and reported this to his neighbor.
“Now,” said the neighbor, “go and collect all the feathers.” Although your repentance, as well as your desire to correct the harm caused, is sincere, it is as impossible to repair the damage caused by your words as to collect feathers scattered in the wind.
How to prevent gossip
Experts also suggest 1. E. Seppälä. What to Do When You're the Target of a Hurtful Office Rumor / Harvard Business Review 2. E. Seppälä, K. Cameron. Proof That Positive Work Cultures Are More Productive / Harvard Business Review try to create a comfortable atmosphere in the team so that gossip does not appear in it at all. Here's what you can do about it.
Build connections with your team
Try to be sociable, friendly and understanding towards people. At work, it will be useful to find colleagues with whom you can communicate not only on formal issues. Of course, this will not 100% protect you from rumors, but it will significantly reduce the likelihood of them occurring.
Don't tell too much about yourself
Try not to say too much if you don’t want information about you, having passed through a damaged phone, to reach you again in an unrecognizable form.
You need to be especially careful when talking about something personal or confidential. If you don't want some information to become known to everyone, think twice about who you feel safe sharing it with and who you don't. A person can be a wonderful friend and a good comrade, but not be able to keep his mouth shut. Therefore, if you don’t want to fight rumors, don’t give the gossipers a reason.
Don't gossip yourself
You should not trust unverified information that someone told you third-hand. Or give your own interpretation of some events that you accidentally witnessed. And in general, it’s better to respect other people’s privacy and try not to talk about it too much. After all, the falsity of rumors may be revealed, and you will remain extreme, spoiling your reputation. And, one way or another, no one favors gossipers.
Forms of dissemination of false information
False information, which is regarded by Article 129 of the Criminal Code as slander, can be transmitted to third parties in various forms:
- Dissemination of information orally.
- Transmission of materials in writing.
- Anonymous statements, including in print media.
- Statements on radio and television.
From the moment the false information was conveyed to a second person, the crime is considered committed, even if the victim does not yet know anything about it.
