Signs that your personal space is being invaded

Every day we have to come into contact with a lot of people. At work, in a store, on public transport, and just on the street, we encounter not only acquaintances, but also complete strangers. Have you noticed how annoying it is when a stranger is too close? What if there are a lot of such people, for example, in the elevator, in line at the ticket office, in the subway? Then irritation can develop into barely restrained aggression. This is how we react to a violation of our personal space - that zone where only the closest people are allowed, and even then not always.

Why Others May React Poorly When We Set Our Personal Boundaries

Let's start with the fact that everyone has the right to have their own personal space and protect it as they see fit. And everyone has the right to set personal boundaries that are comfortable for them, even if other people don’t like it.

Another question:

Does a person confuse someone else's personal space with his own? After all, if a person considers something to be his own that is actually someone else’s, and tries to dispose of it. That is why other people react negatively to his attempts to protect “their” borders.
Are you also ready to respect other people’s rights to their personal boundaries? After all, sometimes it happens that we desperately want our personal boundaries to be respected, but at the same time we ourselves do not particularly respect the boundaries of others.
And is he ready to accept the right of other people to move away from him if his boundaries are uncomfortable for them, does this suit him? After all, any person can have very strict boundaries and not let anyone near them. But at the same time, he gets upset and wonders why other people don’t stay close to him.

That is, when we set our personal boundaries in such a way that we feel comfortable, we must be prepared that not all people will be able to accept our boundaries. And accept the way we install them.

Some people themselves do not know how and do not allow themselves to protect their boundaries. And when they see others doing this, it makes them very angry. And therefore they can behave aggressively in response, devalue them, convince them that they are wrong in what they are doing. But essentially it is envy. That is, they may be jealous that other people allow themselves to do things that they do not allow themselves to do.

We are always bombarded when we see that people allow themselves to do things that we do not allow ourselves to do, but want to do.

Also, our personal boundary can hit other people in their “sore spot”. For example, you refuse a friend to meet her. And your friend sees this as you rejecting her. Because her mother, as a child, also often did not want to spend time with her, she felt rejected, and she developed trauma. And so when you rejected your friend, it activated her trauma and she developed very painful feelings. And as a result, your friend stopped communicating with you.

And in this case, you may think that she was reacting to the fact that you set a boundary, i.e. told her no. But in reality, your friend reacted differently.

Also, if, for example, you used to allow close people to violate your boundaries, but at some point you stopped doing this, then your loved ones may react very negatively to this. Because your behavior is unusual for them. After all, they are used to the fact that you do not protect your borders, but they did not have time to get used to the fact that you are now doing this.

There are many more possible reasons why people may react negatively to our attempts to set personal boundaries. And someone else’s unpleasant reaction in response can greatly frighten or hurt us, especially when we are just learning to defend our borders and have not yet “gotten strong” in this.

However, this is not a reason to give up trying to set your personal boundaries. Instead, you can try looking for another way that will allow you to protect your boundary while maintaining the relationships that are important to you. If this is possible, of course.

What does the personal reserve area include?

The personal zone is, first of all, the body . When someone else gets too close to you, your brain signals: “Attention, maximum danger!” The signal is amplified when it comes to touch.

The next most important component of individual comfort is the territory that you regard as your own and safe. It can be not only an apartment, but also a temporary place in the sun - for example, a bunk in a train carriage.

Imagine that you are traveling on the bottom bunk, have already laid out your laundry, and suddenly another passenger enters the compartment. How will you feel when he sits next to you, occupying half of the already inhabited bed? Exactly.

An interesting case is personal space at work. In a cramped shared office, everyone defends their desk to the best of their ability. The traditional way to mark a place is to use markers. I don’t mean a variety of stationery, but any atypical little things - framed family photographs, decorative figures, original pencil holders.

Personal items that are especially - whether on an office desk or at home - play the role of an independent component of a private zone. These things are especially common:

souvenirs that remind you of something important;
jewelry (they are perceived almost as part of one’s appearance);
objects that provide familiar everyday pleasures - a favorite chair, your own mug;
knife, gun and other means of self-defense.

Inviolable values also include purely psychological phenomena - attitudes, habits, tastes .

Let's say a child who is forced to eat his unloved rice porridge instead of his favorite oatmeal feels deeply hurt. His sensations will be similar to those that arise in an adult in response to a familiar pat on the shoulder.

Kinds

What are a person’s personal boundaries? Psychologists divide them into two main types:

Weak. Such boundaries can be easily violated. Moreover, they are encroached upon by both well-known people and strangers. If a person cannot convey to the interlocutor how he should be treated, then the opponent will act as he sees fit. Weak personal boundaries are characteristic of weak people with low self-esteem and a depressed sense of will. Such persons will not defend their rights, and will always stay away from anything serious, considering themselves simply unworthy of any feats. Such people are kind-hearted and love to help others. A person with weak personal boundaries will engage in charity, and will agree to give away his last things to please another, more needy person.
Strong boundaries. Persons who can stand up for themselves and will not give others the opportunity to infringe on their interests will build invisible walls around themselves, which will be difficult for not only a stranger, but even a well-known person to break through. From the outside, such individuals may seem too cold and unyielding. Their self-confidence and leadership qualities are visible to the naked eye. If someone decides to encroach on a person’s personal boundaries, then this someone will receive a rebuff and will no longer want to encroach on what the person so fiercely guards. Some may think that such people are lonely. But there is nothing like this in their life. People simply demand respect not only at work, but also at home. All household members know the limit of a person’s patience and will not cross it. Children who grow up in the family of a person who knows the boundaries of what is permitted will unconsciously adopt such a system of protecting their personality.

Responsibility

The illegal collection and transfer of materials that are personal in nature and related to a specific individual (who did not know and did not consent to the publication or public display of personal data) subsequently entails the application of criminal prosecution measures against the attacker. Popularization can occur through a public speech, in the media, or through a published work.

The listed actions form the corpus delicti contained in Part 1. Article 137 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.

One step, two steps

How do you know if you have accidentally crossed the personal territory of a stranger? First of all, you need to decide on your relationship. Based on this, it will not be difficult to find out how closely you can communicate so as not to cause discomfort to your interlocutor. There is such a thing as a personal space zone. Psychologists distinguish four types of it: intimate, personal, social, public.

The intimate zone is the smallest, but at the same time the most important. It ranges from approximately 15 to 45 centimeters. Only the closest people can join it: parents, children, close friends, pets.
The personal area is also quite small, dedicated specifically for friends and acquaintances. It includes the distance at which we are comfortable being ready to be at parties or meeting with friends. This is approximately half a meter to 1.22 meters.
The social zone is reserved for strangers or unfamiliar people with whom we have not yet had contact. It ranges from approximately 1.22 to 3.6 meters.
The public area is ideal for performing in front of a large group of people. It is very popular among lecturers or presenters of various events and is more than 3.6 meters.

That is, if you come to a concert, you should not hug your idol. But at a party it’s quite possible to sit next to friends.

The following measures are applied to the violator:

Penalty, the upper threshold of which is 200 thousand rubles. Or arrest of the culprit’s income for up to 1.5 years.
Compulsory work not exceeding 360 hours.
Correctional labor for no more than 12 months.
Forced labor for up to 2 years with the use of additional repression - deprivation of professional qualifications or without it.
Imprisonment for a maximum period of time - up to 4 months.
The most severe is imprisonment for up to 2 years.

Part 2. recorded an official as the guilty individual. As a rule, we are talking about law enforcement officers. Less often, archival employees and health workers abuse their powers. The actions of such persons are punished more severely.

The same types of punishments are used as repressive measures, but with increased terms and volumes. Thus, imprisonment is possible for up to 4 years. It is quite possible that, as an additional measure, the revocation of the prerogative to engage in a specific type of activity or hold a position will be prescribed. This type of exposure can be prolonged up to 5 years.

Part 3. advocates for the protection of the interests of persons under 18 years of age.

How to maintain personal space

A person’s personal space is his inviolable intimate zone, which should not be invaded without permission. You should definitely take into account the individual boundaries of your partner, friends and acquaintances. Only then will they respect your personal space. Unfortunately, people are not always distinguished by tact and restraint. Some people like to interfere in the lives of relatives, close people and acquaintances, completely not understanding that they have no right to do this. How to preserve personal space from unpleasant encroachments and not spoil relationships with others?

Respect for your partner's freedom

If you want to be respected, start with yourself. Many people do not think about this simple pattern and do not take it seriously. Meanwhile, you will be treated exactly the way you begin to show yourself towards others. There is an unwritten rule in relationships: as much as we are attentive to others, so are they to us. Try not to violate the personal space of your loved one, friends, parents, or work colleagues. Any manipulation or play on feelings in order to obtain a certain benefit is unacceptable. Otherwise, the relationship will deteriorate very quickly and come to naught. Remember that your soulmate is not your property, which can be subjugated to your will, but a separate free person with his own individual inner world.

Separate room

It is best if each family member has a separate territory. The situation when parents and children live in the same room and constantly violate each other’s personal space, unfortunately, is not uncommon. The inability to live separately, an unstable financial situation, other problems in the family - all this leads to protracted conflicts, the desire to gain greater freedom, to break away from the influence of beloved relatives. Any anxiety can make the situation worse. Multiple misunderstandings begin in the relationship. To prevent this from happening, ideally each family member should have a separate room. This is an area where no one can enter without first knocking. Creating personal space helps to reveal inner potential, create a sense of harmony and overall satisfaction with life. A happy person will not conflict with others.

Favourite buisness

Having a hobby or passion significantly transforms a person’s inner world and forces him to open up emotionally. Doing what you love promotes rapid personal growth and starts the process of self-improvement. Having personal space, you can easily engage in creativity and promote your talent. Doing something you love gives you a lot of positive emotions, helps release a powerful charge of internal energy, and generates enthusiasm. Anyone who is busy with a truly interesting job does not get bored on vacation, does not fall into melancholy and depression for any reason. A person who has found his niche can be called truly happy and self-sufficient. Gradually, confidence in oneself and the future comes, sympathy and trust appear in relationships with others.

Individual point of view

Having your own view of the world is as important as fighting for your dream. An individual point of view allows an individual not to bend to the opinion of the majority, to avoid overly adapting to circumstances

Even if your judgment is completely different from the thoughts of the team or family, do not be upset. There is no need to hide or withdraw into yourself. Remember that you have the right to your own opinion and self-realization.

Thus, personal space is not a whim, not a luxury, but a necessity. It is individual boundaries that help an individual become wealthy and independent from others, and find their own unique path.

Violation of the confidentiality of correspondence and other communications

The Criminal Code protects correspondence, telephone conversations, postal, telegraph and other messages. Violation of this secret on the basis of Article 138 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation threatens with a material penalty in favor of the state of up to 80 thousand rubles, compulsory or corrective labor. Violation of the inviolability of the home is also subject to criminal liability.

Restriction of the right to privacy of correspondence, telephone conversations and other methods of exchanging information is possible on the basis of Article 13 of the Criminal Procedure Code only if there is an appropriate court decision.

Attention, proximity

No matter how paradoxical it may be, personal space is most often violated by the closest people: relatives, friends, loved ones. And we forgive them for this and sometimes even encourage them, for example, during sexual contact.

But the invasion of our intimate zone by strangers - in addition to emotional rejection - also causes physiological changes in the body. The heart begins to beat faster, adrenaline goes off scale, and blood flows into the muscles and brain in a powerful flow. That is, despite our will, the body prepares for a potential fight or flight. Therefore, you should not hug or touch people you don’t know, even if you really like them. These actions can make them feel negative towards you. The conclusion suggests itself: when communicating, you should always keep your distance.

The wrongfulness of the act consists in:

Corrective measures for this part are more stringent than for the previous two. Imprisonment is a maximum of 5 years with a possible disqualification of 6 years (if committed by an employee).

If illegal actions are associated with the intrusion of strangers into personal correspondence, telephone conversations, messages, then liability arises under Article 138 of the Criminal Code. According to its norms, the culprit does not face imprisonment. Key sanctions are a fine of no more than 80 thousand, compulsory labor not exceeding 360 hours and correctional labor of no more than a year.

What does invasion of personal space lead to?

The author of a number of widely cited articles on the psychological space, S.K. Nartova-Bochaver, writes that her research was prompted by her experience working at the advisory center of the Childhood Research Institute of the Russian Children's Fund: “It was noticed that cases of aggressive behavior, vandalism, home and school theft of children and adolescents often occurred in situations where the child’s need for personal living space was infringed (deprived) from the very beginning of his life or as a result of stressful events for the child (for example, the appearance of a stepfather in the family)” (S. K. Nartova-Bochaver, “The concept of “psychological space of the individual” and its heuristic capabilities”, “Psychological Science and Education”, No. 1, 2002).

The more the child suffered from the intrusions of elders into his personal affairs - from the non-recognition of personal ownership of things and toys, from the inability to hide diary entries, etc. - the more sharp his response turned out to be.

To express the idea generally, it was expressed in the development of a “communal psyche” - an unwillingness to recognize the personal space of other people and the desire to aggressively expand one’s own comfort zone.

Constant violation of an adult’s personal space also leads to very obvious results.

In the article “Privacy Theory as a Direction in Foreign Psychology” (“Psychological Journal”, Vol. 27, No. 5, 2006, S.K. Nartova-Bochaver) describes the experiment of A. J. DeLong.

DeLong observed the lives of nursing home clients. At first, older people used common rooms. They tried to strictly define their area - they placed things on stools and window sills. Pensioners were not very willing to communicate with each other and often showed signs of aggression.

Then the clients of the institution were provided with separate rooms. Their behavior changed dramatically. They became more open and friendly towards their neighbors, and stopped “marking” areas of the room with unnecessary things.

This concerns systematic incursions into the comfort zone.

Self-protection during accidental close contacts

From time to time, each of us has to let strangers into our space - use buses during rush hour, enter the elevators of shopping centers.

In the book “Body Language Bible” (Eksmo, Moscow, 2010), D. Morris explains:

While the situation is favorable, participants in casual close contact strive to “put on blinders”:

block the side view with your palm;
cross your legs and arms;
concentrate on the book;
turn on the player.

I note that the feeling of rejection is not caused by any crowd, but only by a random one. Being among many people who have something in common, we do not get irritated, moreover, we experience pleasure.

A living example from the author of www.samorazwitie.ru. I went to the Philharmonic. Before the concert, my seat neighbors annoyed me - they loudly discussed their business and took pictures. The woman on the right leaned on the arm of the chair... As soon as the concert began, I felt that those around me were attractive. We had a common occupation, we became “our own people.”

Shamelessness in dialogue

The consequences of invading a personal zone when communicating with an individual interlocutor are not easy to predict - to do this you need to truly understand the person.

When meeting someone - I already wrote about this here - ignoring boundaries will most likely be perceived as rudeness (unless, of course, we are talking about flirting against the backdrop of a sudden outbreak of mutual sympathy).

When communicating with someone you already know, violating personal space can have a double effect. The interlocutor will either move away or regard the rapprochement as a generally pleasant sign of a transition to a new level of trust. A third scenario is also possible: the interlocutor will be confused, thinking that you are trying to dominate.

Greetings from distant ancestors

So, sit back, sit back: today there’s a serious longread on samorazwitie.ru. Fear not: “serious” does not mean “boring.”

Animals have instinctively fixed patterns of behavior aimed at protecting the territory. Lorenz and Tinbergen (N. Tinbergen, “Social behavior of animals”, 1993; K. Lorenz, “Aggression (so-called evil)”, 1994) write that the boundaries of this habitat are determined by evolutionary necessity: an individual occupies an area capable of feeding it and give her shelter.

If a stranger enters an occupied area, he will be met with aggression. Only a potential sexual partner should expect a warm welcome.

Once upon a time, man was also a territorial creature. In a sense, it remains so to this day - adjusted for control by complex mental functions.

A very young child does not seek to isolate himself from strangers, but already at the age of three, children begin to become self-aware and demonstrate the need for privacy. Further more.

Teenagers (see the link for an article on the characteristics of adolescence), with their desire to defend the “I,” react painfully to almost any intrusion into their personal zone. They suddenly have a bunch of secret things. The guys strive to arrange, if not the room, then at least their own corner, strictly according to their own taste. An attempt by an adult to talk frankly about intimate topics can be met with outright insults.

With age and the achievement of personal maturity, people learn to limit themselves in expressing negative emotions when persistently invading the space of privacy, but do not stop experiencing them.

What determines the size of the so-called boundaries?

The size of the boundaries depends on the density and size of our biofield. Density in this case has priority.

If the field is dense, then there is good protection; if the field is “broken,” then there is no such protection.

What is protection needed from?

From the energies emitted by another person, from his thoughts charged with negativity, from his experiences.

If there is no protection, then his energy calmly penetrates our field and begins to rule there.

I would like to note one thing: if a person does not have any negative vibrations of his own, then strangers will not be able to have a strong influence.

In this case, “like attracts like” works. If the thinking style is more negative and a person expects troubles in his life, then they come.

Although, as a person himself, it seems that if he thinks about any troubles, it is only for the purpose of prevention.

But the universe takes everything literally - you thought about nasty things - you get nasty things!

But back to boundaries, do you need to somehow increase your boundaries?

In my opinion, it is a must!

Your own self-respect, dignity - all these feelings about yourself increase the boundaries of your own personal space.

People who have less of it will “compress” even more in order to increase the density of their field. This means that your influence on other people will be more significant.

The most important thing is to use it for good!

I look forward to your feedback, what do you think about your own personal space boundaries?

Functions of individual space

Privacy is one part of a larger complex of human spatial behavior. Relationships between people are based on spatial behavior - both at the individual, group and intergroup levels: a person, like other animals, builds a space around himself, with the help of which he is separated from other individuals.

Research on this phenomenon in animals began in classical ethology. Classical ethology is the early period of development of ethology, centered on the work of the Austrian zoologist Konrad Lorenz and the Dutch ornithologist Nicholas Tinbergen, who created the doctrine of the instinctive behavior of animals and its development. They focused their research on studying the behavior of animals in their natural habitat as an adaptation to the environment, back in the early twentieth century. And already in the middle of the last century, the American anthropologist Edward Hall was the first to study human spatial behavior. He studied, among other things, the features, functions and meaning of a person’s personal space, which he protects when communicating with another person.

The distance to which a person allows others to approach him is often represented by researchers as an air bubble that constantly changes its volume: a person allows someone closer to him, someone further. What is this personal space for? It has many functions: it is both a limitation of social and physical contacts, and a way to avoid stress during close contact. In general, maintaining individual space allows a person to regulate the quantity and quality of stimuli that people exchange. This is a form of non-verbal communication that regulates the degree of human freedom. Researchers have proposed various models to explain the functions of personal space. So, the equilibrium model This model was proposed in the work of psychologists Michael Argyle and Janet Dean “Eye-contact, distance and connection” (Argyle M., Dean J. Eye-contact, distance and affiliation. Sociometry, Vol. 28, Issue 3. 1965 ). assumes that each person has an optimal level of acceptable intimacy, according to which a person’s personal space is built (including the distance to which he allows other people), and the Evans and Howard model Gary Evans and Roger Howard “Personal Space” ( Evans GW, Howerd RB Personal Space. Psychological Bulletin, Vol. 80 (4), 1973). explains personal space as a mechanism that was formed in the process of evolution to control intraspecific aggression. In the 1960s and 70s, the concept of privacy was formed as selective control of access to oneself: a person, in the process of communication, subconsciously evaluates how open he can be to his interlocutor.

Illustration from the atlas “La Clef des Champs” by Jacques Le Moine de Morgues. 1586 © The Trustees of the British Museum

Personal space of a person relationship distance

This category studies the physical openness of the individual, i.e. the real spatial readiness of a person to allow another person into his presence. It is directly influenced by factors:

The closeness of these people's relationships
Their gender and age definitions
Cultural and ethnic affiliation
Social status and lifestyle

Researchers have noted the following “parameters” for designing the dimensions of a person’s personal space (interesting facts have also been discovered using animals as an example), namely:

The communication distance of males is greater than that of females (explained in the level and degree of dominance or aggression)

In reality, even in different cultures, similar trends can be observed in humans - the communication distance for women is reduced compared to that of men, communication in pairs occurs a little further than for women, but closer than for men. Children violate this pattern due to their age-related curiosity.

The distance of communication and personal space changes according to the age of the individual

So, an infant is inseparable from his mother, so it turns out that he does not have any personal space at all. He begins to defend his privacy by the age of 3-4 years. The factor of gender is added here - already by the age of 8-9 the individual’s claims to his own space begin (boys have more). This trend continues until the age of 16 or until the age of full socialization of a person.

Cultural and ethnic gradations of privacy

This is an obvious fact of the difference in the “normalization” of communication distance in different cultures. For example, the same E. Hall divided all world cultures according to the principle of contact (contact or non-contact). Thus, in contact cultures there is a reduced distance between the participants in communication, high tactility is acceptable (they can touch each other) and emotional connection (look into the eyes, etc.). However, further experiments showed a certain inconsistency of such a division.

Personal space can be normalized not only by culture, but also by a person’s subculture

For example, an urban subculture “requires” less space than a rural one, a youth subculture also requires less space than an elite one, etc.

How far do the boundaries of comfort extend?

The boundaries of the personal zone are difficult to standardize.

It is possible to more or less clearly indicate only the minimal territorial claims of a representative of homo sapiens. It is believed that a comfortable distance of personal space is on average 50-60 cm . How much does it amount to directly for you or, say, for me? Don't know.

It is possible to reflect on the limits of one’s own closedness only after the fact of a problematic situation, and the identified pattern will turn out to be very approximate. The circumstances of contact will change - the personal zone will shrink or, conversely, expand.

V. Burkova and M. Butovskaya in the article “Personal space and aggressive behavior in Russian adolescents: ethological analysis” (“Personality Development”, No. 3, 2008) say:

Spatial behavior is also influenced by such parameters as personal characteristics, characteristics of the situation and the size of the room. Thus, persons with high self-esteem usually communicate at a closer distance than persons with low self-esteem. Under the influence of stress or when discussing some unpleasant topic, an increase in communication distance is also observed. The distance between individuals increases with decreasing size of the room; with increasing size, on the contrary, it decreases.

The zone of personal space changes even depending on the position of the body: a sitting person, unlike a standing person, tries to reserve a distance between himself and the interlocutor.

There are, however, parameters whose effect can actually be predicted. The already mentioned V. Burkova and M. Butovskaya write about the role of gender:

The minimum distance is observed between two women, the average - in a mixed couple, the maximum - between two men. The distance between a man and a woman is determined by the degree of closeness of their relationship.

Another predictable factor is belonging to a certain nationality . American anthropologist E. Hall was one of the first to divide cultures into “contact” and “non-contact”. His hypothesis was supported by other researchers - if you wish, you will find many intelligent works on this topic. The data presented in them, however, is unlikely to seem sensational to you.

Temperamental Italians consider frequent touching of their interlocutor as the norm; for a reserved Englishman, personal territory is the holy of holies, etc.

The traditions of not only the country, but also the individual family play a role . I. Altman (see books I. Altman, “The environment and social behavior. Privacy, personal space, crowding”, 1975; I. Altman, PA. Nelson, “The Ecology of Home Environments. Wash.”, 1972, etc. .) organized a detailed survey about people’s behavior at home - the questionnaire included 330 questions. After analyzing the data, the scientist identified two types of families:

A - preferring a socially active communication style. They do not strive to strictly divide the territory and keep interior doors open, they like to do household chores together and discuss news, they willingly receive guests and go to visit themselves;
B—supporting permanent boundaries. Each member of such a family has his own place in the apartment and his own set of roles. Doors often remain closed. Strangers are rarely in the house.

Type A families are more common in villages and towns, type B - in cities.

What are personal boundaries and why do people need them?

Personal boundaries are a conditional concept that denotes a certain line between the worldview of an individual and the attitudes and intentions of the people around her. Some build five-meter stone fences with guards on towers, while others have no boundaries at all.

How many people do you know who protect their inner world from intrusion by outsiders? Are you one yourself?

Think about whether you always do what you want or are you trying to please someone?! Do you make decisions yourself in certain situations that concern you, or do you rely on the opinions of strangers? In general, how often do you say “YES”, while at the same time feeling the desire to refuse? If you have friends who use you as a “drain barrel” and they don’t care if you are interested in their information?

If all of the above is normal and commonplace in your life, then this is clearly a gross violation of personal boundaries.

What do you pay for lack of personal boundaries? First of all, your mental balance is disturbed. A person experiences constant discomfort, his mood deteriorates and there is a feeling as if all his strength has left you.

First of all, a colossal amount of energy is spent on maintaining relationships with others. You allow yourself to be manipulated, and you don’t like it, but you remain silent. For example, you work for someone. It is unlikely that you will experience love and satisfaction; rather, you will realize that you are being taken advantage of.

Some people believe that this only happens to those who have a bad environment. Allegedly, a good friend will not use it for personal gain. This is a deep misconception. Your personal boundary is only your task, and you need to learn how to build it. Otherwise, people will sit on your neck.

What is privacy

Private life is the right of a person to choose a course of behavior in accordance with his views, interests and needs. A person can have his own goals, beliefs and worldview. No one has the right to force him to change the nature of his actions or discuss his actions publicly. The exception is cases when a person’s behavior is contrary to the rules of the law and social rules.

Private life is built on the basis of several constitutional principles:

inviolability of housing;
maintaining family secrets;
refusal of relatives to testify against each other;
organizing everyday life in any convenient way and manner;
secrecy of the contents of letters and messages;
medical secrecy;
freedom of choice of faith and religion.

The criteria listed above are outside of a person’s work, service, or social activity. Consequently, they can remain protected from the intrusion of public discussion and criticism. The state also does not have the right to intrude into private life if its manifestations are not in the nature of illegal acts.

How to assert your personal boundaries

What to do about this, and who is to blame? No one is to blame for this, let's replace the word “guilt” with the word “responsibility” and start with ourselves... Maybe it’s time to start independent development and self-knowledge? By studying, changing, improving ourselves and our ideas about the world, we can change the world for the better and see its possibilities differently, from a new height, in a new quality. See in such detail that the reasons for such violations of personal boundaries will become transparent and obvious, and, therefore, methods for solving these problems will no longer be difficult.

It all starts with elementary child and developmental psychology: our parents and close circle teach us how to learn to identify our personal boundaries. At the stage of separation from parents, the child gradually gains independence and learns to take the first steps, balance his wants and cans, balance between can and musts, monitor the consequences of certain actions and gain his own unique experience.

What if your parents didn't have enough experience to teach you how to properly set personal boundaries? What if you were overprotected and/or not given enough support and care to make you feel confident enough to successfully navigate these developmental milestones? Then, from childhood, you will get used to depending on others, and what you will be inherited as a family experience growing up will contain “codes of parental trauma.” This is usually what happens, which is why they say “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Most of your actions in adulthood also remain dependent on the outside world, and similar to the dependencies and habits of your parents.

This happens until you yourself have learned to work correctly with personal boundaries.

Creating personal boundaries, aligning personal boundaries, protecting personal boundaries are elements of interaction and communication with the outside world. Understanding the principles of the world order, its energetic foundations and cosmic laws gives you a chance to see what is happening impartially and get out of the vicious circle of “template reactions” and techniques of “normal” communication to the level of real freedom of action and independence from external attempts to manipulate your borders.

Psychological methods of protection are only the first step towards studying and correctly forming a person’s personal boundaries, and at the next stage the formation of energy boundaries begins, personal strength is acquired, and the individual characteristics of your Soul evolution are clarified, which are decisive for interaction with the world of energies. All the diversity of your painful experience of violations of personal boundaries, as a rule, has its own energy-informational reasons, which are hidden in the subconscious and/or blocked in the body. We will study various practices and methods of understanding the mechanisms of functioning of the psychological and energetic foundations of the formation of personal boundaries in a new lesson on the development of awareness.

Article 137 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. violation of privacy

1. Illegal collection or dissemination of information about the private life of a person, constituting his personal or family secret, without his consent, or dissemination of this information in a public speech, publicly displayed work or the media -

shall be punishable by a fine in the amount of up to two hundred thousand rubles, or in the amount of the wages or other income of the convicted person for a period of up to eighteen months, or by compulsory labor for a term of up to three hundred sixty hours, or by corrective labor for a term of up to one year, or by forced labor for a term of up to two years. with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a term of up to three years or without it, or arrest for a term of up to four months, or imprisonment for a term of up to two years with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a term of up to three years .

2. The same acts committed by a person using his official position, -

shall be punishable by a fine in the amount of one hundred thousand to three hundred thousand rubles, or in the amount of the wages or other income of the convicted person for a period of one to two years, or by deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a period of two to five years, or by forced labor. for a term of up to four years with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a term of up to five years or without it, or arrest for a term of up to six months, or imprisonment for a term of up to four years with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a period of up to five years.

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3. Illegal dissemination in a public speech, publicly displayed work, mass media or information and telecommunication networks of information indicating the identity of a minor victim under sixteen years of age in a criminal case, or information containing a description of the physical or physical persons received by him in connection with the crime moral suffering, resulting in harm to the health of a minor, or mental disorder of a minor, or other grave consequences -

shall be punishable by a fine in the amount of one hundred fifty thousand to three hundred fifty thousand rubles, or in the amount of the wages or other income of the convicted person for a period of eighteen months to three years, or by deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a period of three to five years, or forced labor for a term of up to five years with or without deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a term of up to six years, or arrest for a term of up to six months, or imprisonment for a term of up to five years with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities certain activities for a period of up to six years.

Consequences of privacy deprivation

How people who are among strangers are affected by the inability to be alone is shown by studies conducted on prisoners. In prison, this is perceived extremely painfully, as a loss of humanity: everything is taken away from a person, including the right to own his body, not to mention the right to his own territory. This causes enormous stress and, as a result, an increase in aggressiveness. First, the level of stress hormones increases. A person needs psychophysical and emotional release, which most often does not happen, and this results in conflicts over territory and personal space. Everyone tries to push other people away from themselves, thereby increasing their space and relieving tension.

In conditions of great crowding due to the constant violation of personal space, aggressiveness always increases. Approximately the same thing happened in communal apartments, where people had to live side by side with other families alien to each other.

Yulia Fedenok is a Candidate of Historical Sciences, a research fellow in the sector of cross-cultural psychology and human ethology at the Institute of Ethnology and Anthropology of the Russian Academy of Sciences. She studies spatial and territorial human behavior; she wrote her PhD thesis on the topic “Spatial behavior of children and adolescents in multiethnic groups.”

Private family life

This persists in many places - for example, in Japan, in Arab and African countries there is still no talk of any individual privacy. But it is very important to understand that this refers to the lack of privacy within the family, among close relatives. It’s a completely different matter if you have to live among strangers, then this almost always causes serious stress.

In a traditional family, intra-family etiquette is formed, which is one of the ways to regulate the interaction of people in a private space - certain norms of behavior, mechanisms for privacy, stress relief and conflict resolution are developed. All this helps members of society to coexist with each other. When a woman gets married and moves to a new family, certain rules of etiquette help her build new relationships: she already more or less knows how to behave and accepts a certain social role in this family.

If we are talking about communal apartments, then there is no question of any etiquette here. A lot of people move from region to region, and they are forced to live with a large number of strangers: 10–20 families or more could live in a communal apartment, and at least three people in each family. In such a situation, general norms of behavior are not formed and conflicts arise. Their main reason is the division of territory: bathroom, toilet, kitchen.

At the same time, people have practically no opportunity not only to have complete privacy, but also to be alone with their family. As a result, complete strangers know what you eat, what you wash, what your daily routine is and when you go to the restroom. At the same time, even an animal will not demonstrate to others that it is eating something tasty, because the food can be taken away - hiding important life events is associated with competition. As a result, in a communal apartment a person has to constantly protect his privacy and the life of his family, and this often causes great stress.

Illustration from the atlas “La Clef des Champs” by Jacques Le Moine de Morgues. 1586 © The Trustees of the British Museum

Privacy history

Despite the existence of natural mechanisms that dictate human territorial behavior, the idea of solitude and privacy is largely a product of culture. It arises only in the modern era, at the end of the 17th - beginning of the 18th centuries, and even then only in an urban environment: in the villages they did not think about it. The single-room dwelling has been the most common type of housing for many centuries because it is the easiest to heat. Even in large medieval castles, everyone slept in one large hall: it was cold, the rooms were poorly heated, and everyone had to sleep in the same room to keep warm. So, until there was accessible heating, there was no talk of any privacy. Only central heating in cities made it possible to increase the number of rooms, which gradually began to be perceived as the norm and led to the idea of the need to retire and have a private space.

In general, the level of privacy depends on status - the higher it is, the more space a person has. But there are also exceptions, when a high-status person does not have much personal space. If we, for example, remember the French kings, we will see that they did not even go to bed alone; servants always remained nearby. Noble children of the 19th century in Russia slept in tiny rooms with nannies. They were not given personal space because the child was not perceived as a person at all.

Modern European privacy requirements, where everyone needs a separate room of at least 20 square meters, appeared in the 1950s, in the post-war era, and even then not everywhere.

Cultural norm

Now in Russia and in Western countries, people on average have much more personal territory than they did 50 years ago. First of all, this is due to a fairly high standard of living: we can afford large areas of housing. Here, a person’s social status, his economic opportunities and cultural image still have a significant influence: a modern person strives to have a separate room for each family member, since the idea of privacy has been ingrained in him since childhood.

When people were moved to Khrushchev-era apartment buildings in the 1960s, it was happiness for them. Very little time has passed, and everyone is already unhappy with such housing - Khrushchev is perceived as something very bad. The reason is that the cultural norm has changed. I studied how teenagers imagine the ideal home. Usually these are two- and three-story houses, with a swimming pool and a garage - a picture of a beautiful life that can be seen in the movies. I asked older people born in the 1920s and 30s about the same thing. They all answered that they had never thought about anything like that at all, because they believed that they would always live in houses of eight square meters, and this seemed normal to them. Everyone lived like this, and if a person grew up like this, it’s natural for him. No one felt any embarrassment because everyone had to live together: with brothers, sisters, mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Almost until the middle of the twentieth century, no one even thought of hanging curtains over the bed: there was no expectation of privacy within the family.

Illustration from the atlas “La Clef des Champs” by Jacques Le Moine de Morgues. 1586 © The Trustees of the British Museum