How to stop lashing out at a child, hitting him and screaming?

Often adults do not see any other way out of the situation other than to beat the child. For disobedience, whims, a broken cup, a deuce brought from school. The list is endless.

How to stop shouting, spreading rot, and hitting your butt? Make sure that children listen and hear their parents? Bring joy back to the family?

It depends entirely on the parents' desire to correct the situation. Physical violence from loved ones is very dangerous for a child’s psyche. Having once decided to try how not to raise your hand, not to yell, not to hit a child, many mothers and fathers enjoy the new approach, starting to enjoy life.

Why is it scary when children are beaten by their relatives?

By punishing a child physically, parents cause him irreparable moral harm. The pain will subside, but the memories of humiliation will leave a mark on the soul. Do you think the children will grow up and forget and understand? Moral injuries can manifest themselves in different ways throughout life.

The consequences of situations where parents hit their small child, not knowing what to do with uncontrollable outbursts of rage:

The concepts of “punishment” and “education” are being replaced.
The purpose of education is to help learn new skills. Punishments - implement external control instead of internal control.
The little person experiences pain, fear of the parents whom he trusted, and feels betrayed.
Later, as he grows up, he continues to resolve conflicts in this way. Parents justify themselves: “I beat him so that he learns a lesson and grows up as a man.” Think about what kind of personality he will grow up to be?
Beatings can lead to physical injury and irreversible consequences.
When you realize and say to yourself: “It’s me, it’s me who takes it out on the child and hits him,” you will see from the outside how other parents hit their children. You will understand how fragile a little man is, and you will do everything to ensure that pain and fear go away from your baby’s life.
Domestic violence will lead to the same behavior in kindergarten and school.
A child or teenager will repeat the behavior pattern adopted in the family. Taking out your negativity on others.

Corporal punishment is a method that “works” faster than others, which is why parents use it more often than others. When an adult beats children, he also causes mental trauma, as a result of which the little person’s mental and physical development, craving for creativity, and emotions fade away.

Right to defense

Like every citizen of our country, a child has the right to protection. His interests can be represented by children’s rights ombudsmen, social educators, teachers, employees of guardianship authorities, departments for minors’ affairs and the protection of their rights,

No parent should think that the little man they born is completely theirs and they can do whatever they want with it.

Both the victim himself and neighbors and school employees can report an offense and demand the intervention of law enforcement agencies in a situation that threatens life and health.

They say about this:

Constitution of the Russian Federation.
Convention on the Rights of the Child.
Education Act.
Family code.

Attention! Many lawyers undertake to defend the interests of children for free, realizing the harm that can be caused to a defenseless creature.

Why do adults use force?

The point is not in the behavior of the little person, but in the inability of an adult to get out of the situation with dignity.

Physical violence, even harmless pokes, slaps on the butt, slaps on the head, indicate one thing - mom or dad don’t know that they can behave differently, they don’t want or are unable to change their behavior.

Why do adults want to beat a child:

They came home from work tired, irritated, and their bored child bombarded them with questions: when will we read, when will we play? From explanations you quickly break into a scream.
They apply the principle “everyone was beaten in childhood, me too, and so will I.”
They want to show who dominates the family.
They believe that beating children is the most effective way to educate. This way the child will quickly understand what can be done and what cannot be done. He will grow up well-mannered and hardworking.
They take out the irritation accumulated during the day. You can't often hit an offender, but you can hit a little person.

Also, many women make shocking confessions like “I want to beat him because he reminds me of my departed husband.” And the baby is beaten because the mother is mentally ill.

Behind all these reasons there are problems in the adult’s head, which he is not able to immediately resolve, often without even realizing their existence. To clarify the situation, it is necessary to clearly understand that in any case you can do without physical violence against the baby.

There are calm, safe parenting methods.

If you want to know how to stop yelling at your child and spanking him, then first of all keep yourself busy with interesting things. You will become calmer, and the children will feel it themselves. Let it be gradual, but the result will be - the child will stop “bothering” (in your opinion), will find hobbies, will pull you into his business, and peace will reign in the family.

Screaming in anger at a child and hitting him is contraindicated for education

To stop, use tips tested by other parents. Read carefully, think about each point. It's not scary if you recognize yourself. It’s worse if you want to leave everything as it is, continuing to get bogged down in this swamp.

Start with yourself

Can't help but scream and hit your child? There are few parents who are actually cruel and take joy in physically abusing their children. The overwhelming majority of mothers and fathers greatly regret their behavior, often cry with the offended child and ask for forgiveness.

A lot of work awaits you. Each time you will overcome the temptation to solve the problem of disobedience in a quick, familiar way. But over time, you will feel that the abolition of physical violence evens out the situation, makes children understanding, obedient, and establishes peace in the family.

What is needed for this?

Stop telling the little person how to behave. This doesn't work. He resists you, you attack him with pokes and slaps.

Show by your behavior what needs to be done. After all, children are our reflection.

Are you teaching order? Do you put all your things in their place?

Children don't let you rest after a working day? Do you do this when they come home from school or kindergarten? Or do you load them with things to do so that they are constantly busy, don’t play on the phone, don’t ask you to solve a problem?

In any situation, look at yourself and ask one question: how do I act in the same circumstances? You feel offended if your own child attacks you with fists, trying to take something by force. Why do you show that only physical violence produces results?

“Mom is hitting me with a belt!”

“My life is a real nightmare!
The belt hangs in the room in the most visible place. Mom promises to skin me if I don’t obey. But she wants too much from me: study at 4-5, spend weekends with grandma, don’t spend more than an hour on social networks, wear a hat in May. He constantly shouts at me so much that even the neighbors knock on the wall. Calls her a “bad daughter”, “ungrateful”, “rude”. Sometimes I can't stand it. I try to cover my ears with my hands or say something in response and immediately regret it: my mother grabs the belt and hits me with all her might, taking out all her anger. What should I do to get her to stop treating me like this? How to take revenge? I don’t want to go back home.” The cry of the soul of a 12-year-old teenage girl. As a school psychologist with many years of experience, it’s time for me to get used to such heart-warming stories. Does not work. I would like to quickly pull the children out of the sea of tears and despair. The situation is, of course, not unique. The entangled relationship between an aggressive parent and a “difficult” child inevitably leads to outbreaks of domestic violence. Without the intervention of a specialist, it is impossible to stop the “snowball” of mutual hostility. How to protect young patients from cruelty using psychological protection?

It is necessary to realize that destructive feelings of fear and resentment are born from misunderstanding. Let's return to our tearful, offended girl. Let's figure it out together with her about the problem that turned her childhood into a “nightmare.” Over the course of several consultations, we were able to find answers to those questions that did not allow her to sleep peacefully and prevented her from seeing the saving light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that from her bitter experience, some of you will learn to resolve family conflicts without bruises and abrasions.

Accept your anger and work with it

Many parents complain: “I yell and hit my one-year-old or three-year-old child, I can’t control myself, what should I do?”

This is where the negative emotion “anger” comes into play. While children are small, mother spends more time with them. She is very tired and has no energy for positive experiences. She knows and uses various calming techniques, but still complains that “At a certain moment I lose my temper, scream, and now I’ve already beaten him... What should I do?”

First, you need to understand that we often take out our anger on those we love. Especially on those who are weaker or silent. Emotions exist separately from our love. They originate in the brain. It is necessary to share them with feelings.

Take time to delve into yourself, notice when you begin to experience anger, clearly understand - is it needed now? Will it help improve the situation or, on the contrary, will it only worsen it?

It’s better when a child is not beaten for a broken cup, but quickly puts the pieces together, kisses, hugs, says “it happens” and happy go on with their business. Everyone's mood improves.

Kiss, hug him. This will not make him grow up to be a pampered person. On the contrary, having received enough warmth and affection in childhood, in adulthood a person will not look for a “nanny” for himself, but someone to whom he can give his care.

Take care of your mental balance

You are tired during the day. I would like to say: “leave me alone, let me rest.” Better do the following.

While you cook dinner or wash the dishes, play calm games with your baby, such as words. Or give him a piece of paper, pencils, and let him draw his mother, sitting next to him at the kitchen table.

Did you turn on the TV and lie down on the sofa? Draw with your baby. Play with dolls, construction sets, cars. Little is needed from you - just help, you can lie down. 20-30 minutes of quiet activities, and a satisfied child will go about his business, and you will have a little rest.

Come up with little joys for yourself. Understand what you enjoy. Maybe it's a big teddy bear to hug, or a walk in the park in the rain. Museum, dancing, fishing, flowers - make your list and treat yourself from time to time.

This will make everyone feel good, but the question of how to restrain yourself so as not to hit the child will leave you. Calm parents mean calm children.

Mistakes are part of life

Teach your children to this idea. Errors are an integral part of the learning process. Admit to yourself: “I beat my child.” Give him a hug and tell him straight out that you made a mistake. What to do? Ask for an opportunity to correct it. Children will understand that adults also make mistakes, but everything can be corrected. And then they will apply the same approach in another situation.

Some would argue that this is a long way to go. You can achieve something much faster if you use physical punishment from time to time.

But children remember the attitude towards them. Next time they will behave well not because they want to, but in order to avoid scolding from their parents, and not feel pushes and slaps. Or for a fee - toys, attractions, an extra hour on the computer.

And then they will give the same education, based on fear and profit, to their children.

Mothers often ask friends and specialists: “Why do I beat my older child, what should I do?” Because the little one is still weak and fragile, his parents don’t raise their hand to him. Bye. Later it will be his turn. In the meantime, the baby sees that the mother does not know how to restrain herself and not hit. He is happy with only one thing - good, I didn’t get it.

But this method will help to raise a weak creature who will try with all his might to avoid punishment, to be cunning, to dodge. A child whose parents don’t know how to stop yelling at a small child and hitting him on the bottom will begin to take revenge on his parents and take out his anger on those who are weaker (younger children, animals). Chain reaction. Therefore, physical violence is a dead end.

How to behave correctly during a conflict?

You don't have to run to the ends of the earth to escape another slap in the face. What to do if your parents beat you? In order to keep the situation under control and not lead to assault, it is enough to follow a few simple rules:

Don't be left alone with a potential abuser in the heat of the moment. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. A situation in which there is a threat to your health justifies avoiding a direct confrontation with the attacker. This is not weakness or cowardice, but worldly wisdom. Lock yourself in your room, waiting for the wave of parental anger to finally subside.
Fix the problem. Didn’t wash the dishes, didn’t make the bed, didn’t write an essay with a C? What prevents you from getting rid of the cause of the conflict immediately by fulfilling parental demands? “Mommy, give me five minutes, and I’ll do everything right. I’ll clean up the room and try to rewrite the essay so that it is the best in the class,” just a few phrases of promises will help defuse the tense situation to the limit.
Ask for forgiveness. Demonstrate your willingness to accept punishment as a matter of course. Actually, this is exactly what the parent expects from you. "Sorry. Guilty."
Tell the truth. They often “knock out” sincere confessions with a belt. Punishment turns into torture. There was probably a chance to honestly tell who broke the school window, but you chose to lie to avoid retribution. Adults are intolerant of children's deception, perceiving it as a betrayal. In this case, beatings work like a lie detector. It is in your best interest to voluntarily reveal the “million-dollar secret.”
Try to distract the attacker's attention. It is important to behave in unexpected ways to confuse the parent. Screams, tears, objections drive the elders even more crazy? Hold back, remain silent. Start smoothing out the wrinkles on your clothes, look at the toes of your feet. The usual conflict scenario will be automatically interrupted.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. If you think that beatings can cause harm to health, you can call the police. In the future, in order to avoid an increase in aggression, share the trouble with those close relatives with whom you have established trusting relationships. Did your mom tell you to “keep your mouth shut”? Perhaps dad has no idea that someone is beating his daughter. It is not right. His duty is to protect you. And don’t be shy about contacting your school psychologist. The specialist is obliged to keep patients' secrets. Will not complain to either parents or the class teacher. And he will definitely find a way to change your life for the better.

Don’t hit, advises Dr. Komarovsky

He himself admitted that at least once, his children received a “soft spot.” Sometimes this is the only quick way to stop a little person from taking the wrong step. The main thing here is not to cause pain, but rather to stun the child, to protect him from, for example, throwing himself onto the road or hitting his mother.

To parents’ requests to help them, to teach them how to stop beating their children for disobedience, Komarovsky answers briefly: “Don’t touch them with your finger. Under no circumstances. Only in emergency cases, but it won’t hurt.”

So, put yourself in the place of a little person, look at the world through his eyes.
If you don’t succeed right away, try again and again until you can completely refuse physical punishment. 1 thousand 5.0 Rate this article Published: 01/13/2021

Article for child abuse

Punishment for child abuse is inevitable. Any violent actions that cause physical pain are subject to a fine of up to 30 thousand rubles, arrest for up to 15 days, and compulsory labor for up to 120 hours. Responsibility for beatings with hooligan motives:

compulsory work up to 360 hours;
correctional labor for up to 1 year;
restriction of freedom up to 2 years;
forced labor for up to 2 years;
arrest for up to six months;
imprisonment for up to 2 years.

If a child is physically injured, even slightly, the liability is greater. The applicable articles of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation in this case depend on the severity of the damage. The severity of bodily injuries (external and internal) is determined based on the conclusion of a forensic expert.

Intentional infliction of physical or mental suffering on a minor through systematic beatings or violent acts is punishable under Art. 117 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. The penalty is imprisonment for a term of 3 to 7 years.

In addition to responsibility for pain, torture, and harm to the health of the child, his parents or legal representatives are responsible for cruel treatment. The punishment for this is:

fine up to 100 thousand rubles. or in the amount of the perpetrator’s income for a period of up to a year;
compulsory work up to 440 hours;
correctional labor for up to 2 years;
forced labor or imprisonment for up to 3 years with possible deprivation of the right to engage in certain activities for up to 5 years.